Appreciate or else regret

Regret. It seems like a huge word. All I wanna tell you guys today is a story from my past (not that long to call past actually). Okay, let me start. It's about my late cat, named Oren. He was really cute and I loved to tease him. One day, I chase him around my house and he get too scared of me since that day. I was kinda offended with him.

So, since that day, I declared a war with him. He doesn't like me, and I'll do the same. I ignored him, I scolded him, I kicked him away when he approached me (I just pushed him away with my feet, I'm not that cruel). He always avoid me though.

And so, one fine day, he suddenly have a kind attitude towards me, grazing around my leg. And I was like "Are you nuts? Buang tebiat ke?" and I was kinda shooh him away. For your guys information, it was the last time I saw him. He never showed up in my house anymore. Honestly, I'm typing these with choking heart as I felt so guilty towards him. My family is kind of keeping cats by just letting them in, and get them out at night. I think he has died one of the unlucky night.

I've always been thinking if I can go back to the past, I'll treat him the best I can, better than anyone else. I've always been thinking what if I really did that? What if I just forgive him? What if I act nice to him on his very last day? What if I don't scold him at that night? What if and lots and lots of what ifs more.

I think it's over a year since we lost him. Sometimes, he suddenly occurs in my mind. Well, since that day, I've been treating my cats well no matter how they hate me. I suddenly realize that perhaps cats do not really like me. *shrugged* Thinking of I won't repeat the same mistake again, I'll just go through it with a huge heart of mine.

p/s: It's been about two weeks that Gemuk didn't come back home. I really hope he is okay no matter where he is. Deep in my heart, I kinda have a bad feeling 'bout it, but I'll try my best not to think 'bout it and just pray for him. Gemuk is my favorite cat among the cats I have now. Come back soon, yeah?