I guess it's a let go

Yes, it's true that I told no one about this, and when Dil was about to notice, I quickly change the subject. And she just follow the flow, but I think she understood. But maybe she's quite confuse of what I really felt 'cause I seems happy with my distraction (I wasn't intend to make it my distraction, but to distract others, it seems worked! -but I'm sincere okay?).

It makes me a good actress though. My friends always told me that. It hurts every time I see it. So, I made up my mind to not to even peep it. So, I hold back. But, just now, my hand is too tickle to care bout it. Oh, stupid me! Again, it felt like one vein is pulled out of my heart. Swear it hurts. So, I think I should just hold it back again, or just forget bout it! Heh! Things are easier said than done though! But I succeed to hold back for weeks, and what gonna make me not to, kan? Fuh! Think positive.

Now, I have FA, my buds, my happy life, so there shouldn't be any complaints. Most importantly, I have Allah. Yes, He's with me all the time. :) But what I really want is, an assurance that what I heard and saw is doubtless. Then, if it's true as being said, I'll back off and move on. I promise.

But please, please, please don't show up when I had letting it all go. Because that's exactly what's always happen. When I move on, it chases me. Every single time. When I stop hoping for it, it comes to me. But, tell you what after this phase, I feel totally neutral about it. Yes, I'm happy but I don't stand any hopes, I don't get nervous, I just enjoy the situation. No woes! That's the soothest feeling that I ever felt. Here's the secret: I just felt it once, for a person -and it's not who's I'm talking about. :)

p/s: I always use 'it' in stead of 'he' because I don't wanna make it so obvious :P