I still remember how excited I was planning this and that with them just before our war ended. Chey, war konon. Tapi, thinking of all the agony and misery it should be called war, aite? ...ahh! Apaper pun, ni nak storynya. The way we planned was like we're going to circle the world (hais, hiperbola trough and trough) yet that is how I felt, making me become more enthusiastic to finish the papers. Our plan, outing here, outing there, makan itu ini, naik roller coster bla bla bla.
....and now, more than a week passed yet here I am. Stuck in my world with boredom that can't be interpreted. Haven't go anywhere, have been doing nothing (except for the jogging activity of course). ...and where're they? Working, driving classes, and so on. Seriously I'm going to try to understand if AT LEAST an effort to explain, a bit of guilt is shown. But, there's nothing else than bragging 'bout what's their up to. Hey, does this shows a face I care? *muka stone* Puh-lease. ...and sometimes I feel like I dunno em no more. Never expected a week (more or less) gonna bring this much distance and huge gap between us. Apa? Ingat depletion layer dekat transistor bila reverse-biased ke? Tapi that analogy suits the explanation well too. That kind of. Sort of la.
I was a bit dumbfounded as a reaction to that situation. But, as times goes by, I just let it be. I thought, if we're real, nothing gonna separate us. Come to think of it, I assume a relationship is like a tarik tali game. There's no use to prolong it if only one side is the one who makes effort to preserve it. I feel like raising a white flag now. ...and hope to meet new ones that I can call The True one. To think of it, I've almost never have one. To me, the true one is when no heart feeling at all and no pretending or even make effort not to offend and not to have any awkward atmosphere where silence is comfortable. Yes, I've never have that in my life yet. Close doesn't mean true, does it? So, just throw in the towel and move on. Close the book, keep it in a rack as your past, part of a story of my life. Kind of sad, I know tapi life must go on kan? There's no use waiting for someone who doesn't even take a step forward towards us.
'll keep that in mind. *take a deep breath* To look at the bright side, though in this boredom, I live a great life this whole week. C'mon, how bad can it be just to sit at home, watching movies, reading novels, and keluar jalan jalan sekeliling taman bila dah bosan sangat. Seriously, bukan nak sedapkan hati ke apa, living like this is kind of comfy jugak. I'm not a wild kind yang boleh keluar sana sini (and even if I can I don't think I will). I was born half anti-soc agaknya. It's in my DNA, tak boleh nak buat apa dah. Tapi once dah keluar I'm okay je. ...sebelum keluar tu yang payahnya. Berat hati la, malas la, tapi on je sebab I know I'll feel the opposite once I'm out of my coconut shell (manipulate peribahasa pekenama?). ...but who's gonna go out with me anyway? *bunyi angin bertiup sepoi-sepoi cakoi*
Sometimes, I look up to kengkawan yang a bit free (atau bahasa harshnya 'nearly-wild' kind of -peh, kira baik lagi tu kan?). Tapi hati dia orang memang baik pe. Kadang-kadang kalah orang macam kita orang ni. Ha, back to what I said. I look up to them 'cause they can maki-maki sesama dia orang, they'll be there when masing-masing are in need tak kira masa, they often hang out together... I look that up as... true friends. Kan? Macam jealous pulak kadang-kadang. Lebih kurang macam takkan ada awkward atmosphere langsung antara dia orang. *sigh & despair combo*
My new world gonna start soon. Hope it'll turn up just the way I hope to. Now, I'll just live with anyone I have around me, enjoy whatever I have around me, and took advantage on everything. What I believe, kalau ada jodoh untuk kekal maka ada la. But looks like it's coming to an end though. Kinda dapat rasa one day, we'll have nothing much to say (when there's suppose to be many things to talk about), we'll can never lol like before, we'll can never share stories again (after all I'm the only yang spill everything- tak tahu la kenapa). ...and now, I see the depletion layer is getting bigger. From 'nak tak nak spill & share' to 'shh.. shh.. I can't tell you its private and confidential'. Never ever thought all that the depletion layer grew this huge within a week. Just imagine how'll it be within a month and two. A year perhaps? Hmm, jauhnya pandangan. *sigh & despair combo again*
"If you want to go somewhere you like but no one else wants to, go by yourself. You will meet people with similar interest as you." -via Twitter
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