Throughout this wonderful journey

Off-day as today is Tuesday and co-incidently my repeat test falls on this date. So I thought I should give my all cause my license are going to die real soon and I wouldn't have any more free dates.

Huge lie if I said I wasn't nervous. Moreover there wasn't any practice yesterday and yesterday itself I knew that my test is today. So, I woke up really early in the morning, Kak Liza picked me up at 7 something and I just did few practices on hill, parking, and three pointers. ...which I thought quite convincing and satisfying.

Soon, Kak Liza treated me breakfast as my test gonna start late. Then, I felt really sleepy like dozing off so I went to the surau to sleep. And I did. ...sampai meleleh air liur basi. Shh! Haha. Suddenly I felt like peeing so I went to the toilet and soon after that the third repeat session was called! Lucky me! Cause according to the time, it's not the time yet.

And so I just did it. While waiting for my turn, I made a 'do-not-disturb' face like I was someone who's really arrogant. The reason I did that was because I wanna avoid any conversation about failure this and that with others. It was a huge and part of major distraction. Trust me! I've been there twice. So I just sat and salawat and trying to calm myself down as cool as I could. Suddenly the wind blew right in front of my face, like a sign from Him, saying that, "I'm with you." And amazingly I was able to smile!

In that car, while waiting for that person in front of me, I adjusted the seat, testing the handbrake, gear and everything that could make me feel comfortable while I was salawat-ing and smiling. And as I was called to proceed, here we go! Bismillahirahmanirrahim! I smoothly stopped on the yellow line and smoothly climbed down that horror hill. As soon as I passed that one, I couldn't describe how thankful I was. Alhamdulillah.

Here come the next test. Parking. I did the parking at the hardest parking lot. With additional hill skill. I wasted time on that. My legs (especially left) were shivering like hell and the engine died about three times already! And I few times almost hit the poles due to the hilly road's surface. But then again, alhamdulillah. I passed that one too. Then, the three pointer, I just proceed, made a turn, though the car was a bit slanted, I managed to get out well. Alhamdulillah again. I parked the car and fleed to the JPJ (that was on that day when I failed). I signed the form and thanked him. And that's it my journey has ended.

Come to think of it, there should be a silver lining in every cloud. So I hold on to that. Through this misery yet wonderful journey, I've met a lot of great people that's inspiring, friendly, and loveable. I can call them 'friends'. So, throughout this journey I officially wanna thank Kak Liza my teacher, and friends I've met from the very beginning till the last, Atiqah, Adib Farhan, Luqman Hakim, Amer Azrai, Haniza, Hui Xian, Kak Shafikah, Aini Sue, Kak Liza's son (I dunno his name), pak cik tua tu, abang motor tu, Faiz, Zhareef and everybody that I forget to mention. Thank you all for adding some colours in this wonderful journey of my life.

Now, I kinda get it. I should clear my heart from hatred, envy, underestimating others, feeling annoyed, pride (riak) and all yang mazmumah la senang cerita. And insya-Allah khier, He will be with us, and ease everything that we do and gonna do as long as we put Him first in every niat. And He loves when we prayed to Him over and over again.

*****
p/s: Something choked me up this morning before I was off for the test. My mom kissed both of my cheeks for blessing I thought.

I was mixed up

Does he thinks that he'll look that cool when he smokes? Hell no. Err, actually he did. But hey! Aaa! I'm speechless. Okay. Rewind!

Again! I was on my rest time alone again. Done eating, I passed by the w/house as I was heading to surau. Okay, cleared. He wasn't there. So I kept walking with thoughts that perhaps he was already upstairs or something bla bla bla, suddenly at the back entrance I saw Abang Sayur ...and him! Throwing up some boxes at the garbage bin and there was a cigar between Abang Sayur's fingers and I scan his left hand and there you go! There was a cancer stick between his fingers in his left hand too! I was speechless and shocked!

Abang Sayur greeted me as I kept on walking, I replied but my eyes were on his face and he was looking at me as well and he feelinglessly put that cancer stick in his mouth and continue what he was doing earlier. I was like... what the beck? Part of me rasa nak tampar je muka kerek dia. Ell, do come hear please! I need you! :'(

What I felt? Hmm. Perhaps relieved that I finally see that with my own eyes? Maybe. Speechless? I really did. Shocked? Of course! Trying not to believe! Yes, I feel like I'm in denial. Part of me wished that if and only if I didn't see that. Tapi tu la, bila Allah nak tunjuk depan mata. Frust? Maybe, a lil. Though I once said, I don't really care bout that. But wouldn't it be better if he didn't? Terima apa adanya? Yes, I know. Cause it's not that I never know bout that, but witness it yourself and hearing from others (though from a reliable source) are really two different feelings. I bet!

I chuckled

My supervisor came, making me late 15 minutes for my rest time. And so, I rest alone, done eating and head to surau straight away even though I'm on my period. I just sat back and leaned on the divider playing with my phone.

Suddenly I heard the door's opened and my heart sensed it. Must've been him. Suddenly the door was banged closed and I was shocked, and he was too as I heard dia melatah, "Oh mak kau dah meletop!" Then he blabbered blaming the door. Then I felt him right at my back (split just by the divider). I held my laugh so hard as I thought that was so funny! I felt really close to him as I felt he restrained against the divider right at my back taking off his shoes while singing something I couldn't catch up.

I kinda 'waited' until he get back as I really wanted to see him performing solat (see? I admitted!). Trust me, seeing him in that condition is the best scene ever! Subhanallah. It was my bad for doubting him not performing solat anymore as we never stumbled upon each other like since the palau thing day? And not to count the last time I actually SEE him performing solat. I was grateful for that opportunity. Really do. :) Making today a beautiful Friday!

Happy anniversary!

Hey! It's my third's month work anniversary. :)
...and should be along with Ell too.
But she's no longer here.

*****
Oh ya, today's rest time 'we' rest at the same time. As we're bout to punch card in, we passed them (Abang Sayur and him), from that Guardian's door we can clearly see Abang Sayur was smoking and he was next to him. I was kinda afraid to see THAT FACT in front of my eyes, but as he turned when Abang Sayur greeted me, not the cigar was in his mouth but his thumb! What a cute scene! Hahaha. He was eating something la tu. Hahaha.

And I walked back home today. Why? Cause as soon as I exited the staff entrance, I saw him, perhaps heading to eat after back from work. Without thinking, I just walked back home and we kinda did cross the road together though from afar. As long as he noticed me, that would do. Heh!

After an exhausting week

Been through a hard and exhausting week, and finally an off day! I was tired since Thursday last two weeks, morning shift and packing before off to Terengganu, the next day off to my village, then the next day was the wedding, then the next day we headed home, then the next day I have a driving class and straight away did a full shift and involved in helping the fair at the concourse (physically tired) , the next day was the JPJ's test that I failed (mentally tired), the next day was the they when I was in charged to check stock in market and then my supervisor came to check stock that made me have to do a full shift again, the next day is when we hangout at TS to celebrate Ell and played bowling before working at 6 P.M. , the next day I did a morning shift just to accompany Ain to meet my bro at night, and that Saturday and Sunday full shift again, and Monday with morning shift and that's it! Off day on Tuesday.

What a summary! But trust me. It was really really tiring to death! So I spent this day awesomely, waking up late, doing some non-tiring house chores, surfing internet, but then! On the evening, I suddenly feel so sick like throwing up. And yes, I did threw up until I have nothing more to vomit. And I was a bit light-headed after that. Come to think of it, it wasn't weird as what I've been through that past week was more than what I can take. But, soon after Maghrib's prayer I felt a whole lot better so I asked my parents and lil sis out as I feel like I don't go out with them for a long time! And we just did a lil shopping in Tesco and hangout at mamak before we headed home for me to catch up my fave series, TVD! As always. And that's it. My rest day! And I really did rest!

Sty... lo!

Dia. Tukar. Gaya. Rambut?
So jaw-dropping.
But like I said, "You look just fine either way or whatever it is that you do."
Heh! Sue me!

Before sayonara #2

Ell's wish granted and now it's Ain's turn. She wanna go out with my brother so badly. This made me have to change my shift from noon to morning. But it wasn't that bad as I have the opportunity to see him very often that day as he passed there several times, non stop till the evening.

Ain came to have lunch with us during our rest time. Then Ell came in the evening to pass everyone her cupcakes. Mine and Nik's were a lil bit special cause it came along with a present. A perfume each. So sweet. And that was the last time I saw her until the next three months.

And the plan at night was to watch a movie at eight but my bro was really late that he arrived home at 9:40 p.m. like that. So we switched the plan just to eat dinner and we ended up at Burger King. My first time too. But Ain was full. Biar la janji dapat keluar. And we went home almost midnight. Sayonara to her and hope to see her very soon in any time.

Before sayonara #1

Break the rules! Redah masuk pukul 6 semata-mata nak grant Ell's wishes to play bowling before she flew to Sarawak. The original plan, we're around 5 or 6 peeps I think. Me, Ell, Ain, Ayu, Linda, Nik. Yeah. But suddenly, Nik had her driving class, Linda's busy with her fair, and Ain haven't finish settling her stuffs for PLKN yet. So, it was just me, Ell and Ayu. Heading to TS. And wait for Ally, Tiqah and Aini Y to join us. Act, it was random. They've their plan and we had ours, tapi dah alang-alang join la sekali kan?

Bowling, we had a great times there walaupun masing-masing tak la pro mana. Two lanes, versus. Three-three. They won but I didn't feel reluctant like how I felt every single time I played bowling. It was fun. We were doing that just for fun's sake. Then, we lunch at Sushi King. Our first times and gonna go there again. Syok la!

Then three of us just headed home leaving the other three as me and Ayu have to go to work at six. Haha. Short outing but sweet memories are preserved with additional fun. :)

Now it's Ain

Ain's last day. And we're both assigned to be the part of the staff involved in the Check Stock Day. The supermarket was closed until 4 p.m. for that. We're both incharged in market. Everyone's busy. And what I was a lil mad about is that everybody was on free dress code except for us both. Awkward!

Dia? Sangat style. Red-white stripe tee, brown pants, grey Converse. Scanning the counted stocks. Next to our row. And I finally see the diff side of Troli, in clothing I mean. Informal. Black tee and jeans.

After finished around twelve, me and Ain were being asked to return to our counter to start the sales. But we just hanged out at my place with Ain sitting on the stool and me sitting on the stack of new arrival stocks. We chatted and taking photos. Then, at one, announcement for rest time to those who involved just now. Makan nasi bungus duduk dekat tangga staff entrance ramai-ramai. Apa ke epik sangat la kan? Haha.

Not long after that, tense rushed the atmosphere, my supervisor came. Our plan to do morning shift is changed, we have to do full shift. Work work work. Organized the stocks, checked and rechecked. Being cursed this and that. Huh! I thought on Ain's last day we could have fun till the very last moment. But thank God she returned after I performed my Maghrib's prayer. And Ain's wish to snap a photo with Abang Sayur is also granted. :) Till the very last! Oh yeah! 

Never been this sad ever before

I admit I hate to recall this but I still wanna write. 1st April. I failed my JPJ's test again. Exactly at the same place, though I've been given another chance to do, I still can't. That made me sad. I cried so bad at the back of the building, in front of the drain. Called my mum and she kinda frustrated and mad a lil but she resisted from showing but I knew. 

First there's a mak cik suddenly patted me and said, "Sabar dik, ni dugaan dari Allah." though she didn't know the full story but it's expected la kalau dah menangis dekat JPJ tu kenapa kan? The JPJ's officer also came to see whether I'm fine. Of course I wasn't! Zhareef pun sampai called.

Oppss! Rewind! I met him few minutes before I go for that test.

Aha! Continue. That abang that organized bikes for motorcycle's test pun asked, "Okey tak ni?" and bertambah kuat la aku meraung bila orang tanya macam tu. Am not okay! And come this bald uncle, "Kau tak payah nangis nangis macam ni. Benda ni salah kau jugak." And I was a bit sentap cause dalam banyak banyak ayat pak cik ni sorang je macam downkan lagi aku. But then, he continued, "Kau cuba tengok balik dalam diri kau, mana yang silap, tak guna pun kau nangis, benda dah jadi."

Chokingly I defended, "Masalahnya saya dah gagal ni dua kali." Pak cik tu tepis, "Alah, umur kau muda lagi, banyak lagi dugaan kau akan hadapi. Ni baru sikit. Ada orang gagal sampai lima enam kali." I defended again, "Saya rasa macam saya menyusahkan mak bapak saya nak keluarkan duit." Confidently pak cik tu cakap, "Kau jangan fikir macam tu, jangan sesekali fikir macam tu. But that's the major reason I cried rasanya plus feeling dah penat tak larat nak buat benda ni lagi.

"Allah tengah ajar kau untuk redha." Sungguh sebaris ayat ni meresap masuk dalam hati aku bila dengar. Astaghfirullah al-Azim. Betapa jauhnya untuk aku rasa itu. "Kau bukan apa aku tengok, jiwa kau kacau, tak tenang, apa kata kau cool down dulu sebulan dua tak payah ambil test lagi, kau rasa kau okey baru kau ambil balik."

"Dah dah. Aku nak kau bangun dari situ, kau duduk macam tu tepi longkang macam ni lagi kau rasa sedih. Aku nak kau bangun, kau pergi toilet basuh muka lepas tu pergi minum dekat kantin semua, okey? Aku ni bukan apa, aku cakap dengan kau sebagai seorang ayah kepada anak, kau macam anak aku je." And so on so on, banyak lagi yang dicakapkan tapi yang dihighlightkan je yang dibawa ke tengah. And abang tadi pun ada je dekat situ menyampuk sekali sekala. Lepas tu aku pergi toilet and never see them again.

Tapi tipu kalau kata aku dah okey, aku duduk belakang pun air mata tak stop lagi. Kak Liza dengan Faiz dah datang pun air mata macam paip bocor lagi. Faiz lulus. Alhamdulillah, and aku congrats dia dalam tangisan aku. Zhareef duk texting aku tanya aku okey ke tak, and ceriakan aku dengan lawak helicopter dia sampai la aku dah sampai rumah. Sebelum tu, aku babai si Faiz masa Kak Liza dropped dia dekat Secret Recipe tempat dia kerja tu. Masa dia dah turun pulak baru Kak Liza cerita Faiz pun pernah gagal dua kali. Sungguh aku tersentap. Tabahnya dia. Subhanallah. Still dalam kereta tu air mata aku sudah lagi nak stop.

Sampai balik, terus naik, solat Zohor, nangis sampai tertidur sampai petang. Pukul 6 bangun mandi dengan mata bengkak, solat Asar sambil nangis, turun minum petang. Jamh keropok lekor sikit, masa tu la baru makanan dan minuman masuk dalam sistem badan aku tu. tak maakan apa dari pagi. Solat Maghrib pun nangis lagi. Dinner makan nasi setengah senduk. My condition was really bad and I thank my family members for not mentioning bout that at all. Dia orang just act normal macam takde apa berlaku.