I was mixed up

Does he thinks that he'll look that cool when he smokes? Hell no. Err, actually he did. But hey! Aaa! I'm speechless. Okay. Rewind!

Again! I was on my rest time alone again. Done eating, I passed by the w/house as I was heading to surau. Okay, cleared. He wasn't there. So I kept walking with thoughts that perhaps he was already upstairs or something bla bla bla, suddenly at the back entrance I saw Abang Sayur ...and him! Throwing up some boxes at the garbage bin and there was a cigar between Abang Sayur's fingers and I scan his left hand and there you go! There was a cancer stick between his fingers in his left hand too! I was speechless and shocked!

Abang Sayur greeted me as I kept on walking, I replied but my eyes were on his face and he was looking at me as well and he feelinglessly put that cancer stick in his mouth and continue what he was doing earlier. I was like... what the beck? Part of me rasa nak tampar je muka kerek dia. Ell, do come hear please! I need you! :'(

What I felt? Hmm. Perhaps relieved that I finally see that with my own eyes? Maybe. Speechless? I really did. Shocked? Of course! Trying not to believe! Yes, I feel like I'm in denial. Part of me wished that if and only if I didn't see that. Tapi tu la, bila Allah nak tunjuk depan mata. Frust? Maybe, a lil. Though I once said, I don't really care bout that. But wouldn't it be better if he didn't? Terima apa adanya? Yes, I know. Cause it's not that I never know bout that, but witness it yourself and hearing from others (though from a reliable source) are really two different feelings. I bet!