Never thought that I would

It was last Friday. Something that I don't ever expected has happened. It's a big lie if I say I'm okay at that time. It was my Additional Mathematics paper, I never thought that my result would be that bad. Though in the school system it's not counted as fail, I feel like I failed, like a failure. Am I over confident? I'm totally disappointed. Even I'm the worst among my friends whereas I'm among the good in class.


There were careless mistakes in the whole paper that makes me can't accept it. I'm not contented. I swear, all I feel that time was I really really can't accept it. It strayed beyond my target. Only He knows how I felt that time.


Until I spill every single thing out to Dila. Thanks to her, I felt much more relieved, better than ever. She remind me what I forgot. Everything comes from Him, kan? I shouldn't be complaining. What I did was not complaining, I just poured everything out, didn't I?


What I need to do now is build up my self esteem again as it has collapsed right after the result came out. And, who knows the other papers aren't that bad? But, I will not ever set any target or put any expectation anymore. It just gonna pull me down towards the beneath. "Better luck next time? How would I while this first attempt I performed that bad? Will I? I don't think so." And I would change that thought. Insya-Allah. Although that is what still I feel now.


All I need to do now is throw away everything that doesn't has connection, and start working out, concentrate and focus, and start believing in myself. Aja aja hwaiting!


p/s: Maybe He has set something better for me ahead. Who in the world knows, kan?