That's just the way the story goes

Here I am, sitting in front of the screen, waiting for the clock tick tock-ing for the second's hand of the clock to strike twelve, and it'll be NEW YEAR 2013! To be frank, I don't feel a thing at this moment. But to think it's REAL that few more hours it's gonna be 2013, I'm speechless. Seriously, I'm dumbfounded here. *sigh*

Belum pun sempat nak rasa happy for this year, 2012, dah nak tahun bahru dah pun. Tapi tipu la kalau cakap there's nothing to smile about, kan? Ada je. To recall, tahun ni tahun yang paling banyak kali mandi/main hujan. Best apa. Kenangan tu takkan lupa la. Macam budak-budak je (infact that is what I am). 

Maybe this year brings a lil bit difference sebab I am separated with my besties last year. Dua orang tercampak ke kelas lain, dua orang lagi go to the boarding school. But, for that, aku jadi rapat balik dengan my elementary school's besties (bukan la tak rapat langsung tahun tahun lepas, tapi get the bond tighter gitu?). Even tak la rapat yang kongsi segala benda (not to them, it's just me who vent all out), tapi it was fine. Biasa la tu dah kita appear in between, ye tak? Tapi, me and the two more peers yang tercampak tu pun still okay what.

Maybe jugak I kind of don't feel anything happy because of my study. To admit, study tahun ni sangat-sangat hard. Science stream puts me in the double bind. How sparkle we are last year don't reflect us this year. Orang tak pandang dah result kita tahun lepas. Yang orang nak tahu, that particular moment which yang worse than me last year storeyed arranged above me. They pushed me deep down to the bottom. ...and I don't even know how to climb back up. I'm weak.

Low self-esteem because of people above you in academic and when-people-notice-who's-beside-you-and-not-you-like-a-useless-anonymous-sidekick might hurts too. But to think of the bright side (I always do this), it means He give us chance to wait for the real soulmate. My pemilik tulang rusuk yang dah tertulis di luh mahfuz. I learned that a lot from Timeline's friends. Thanks Ash (especially).

But... SREEETTT! Cut the dark side off. Good things this year? *telunjuk di dagu* I learned to be a great leader a lot this year. Thanks to PRS for that. To my same-batched PRS, you give me lessons a lot, so do the fivers. Next year, I'll be a senior. Perhaps it's good to be on the top again.

Then, *scrolling my memories* this year, I found something, a feeling, that I don't know what. I'll look forward for it next year to ensure. It gave me lessons jugak antara sedar dan tak. Also, great to share moments dengan semua ini.

Oh by the way, this year, I just noticed that I fell in love (still do) with this car, Audi R8 V10 and superbike Yamaha R1. They're so coolio, no doubt!

Oh, I know that's not all to be told, but I can't recall no more. If I do, I promise I'll write in the upcoming entries (which is next year of course). Oh by the way, next year there's a big exam waiting for me, so I wanna announce that I'll tone down blogging right away. My commitments will rise up high to. So, till you hear from me soon, adios. ...and Happy Celebrating Tick Tock Tick Tock New Year 2013 on the clock now. Bye!

Sweet sixteen

Ah, see the date? Tadaa... it's my birthday. Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to Liz, happy birthday to me. Finally, I'm sixteen, real sixteen. And two days more, I'll be officially 17. Uhuh! SPM will be waiting for me around the corner, huh?

Frankly speaking, I don't like my birthday. It's because there'll be nothing special on my born day. Despite getting small parcels from my family, getting wishes from friends, what else can be so delightful? The day will go on like usual. Plus, I'll be thinking of school session that'll be start few days after my birthday. Not to leave behind, I'll be unhappy that the year will end soon. Every single year, I'll feel that. *sigh*

But! To think of the bright side, I always be the youngest among my peers. Also, I don't have any regrets on the date, that's fate. Who am I to argue? In fact I'm greatful. Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal. I just don't like birthday. T'sal. Do you have any problem with that, no? HAHA

And so, to make myself happier, or in the other words, feel lil more special, I make 3oth Dec a lil bit different than other days in the calendar. Such as I wear new clothes, or my fave clothes (that I wear maybe once or twice in the year). At night (my nighty), I'll wear this tee that I only wear on my birthday only (since I was thirteen). It is a Hardstyle Destiny tee that was design by my friend and I bought from him when I was in form one. It's so cool and I love it. :)

Oh by the way, one of my crony a.k.a sidekick share the same birth date. She's one of the best crony I have. We do have a lot in common too. Great, isn't it? It's like we share the same brain (sometimes I think like that). Oh to be highlighted, she's 365 days younger than me. HAHA

Yeah, about the I-don't-like-my-birthday thing, I think (I've always been thinking this and that), when I'm married, it sure'll be great to celebrate my birthday every year with my spouse. Dreaming much, huh? Hey, it ain't a crime to hope for something great in the future, is it? *resting chin on both palms looking outside the window with glowing eyes*

And so, happy sweet sixteen to me, and have a blast, okay? (Nothing great on sweet sixteen, but hey, I don't give a damn, okay?) *stone face* Sanah helwah to me ...and saengil chukae Liz! *wink*

p/s: The cake is obviously not mine :P

Terengganu kita

But for me, it's a fortnight may not be good, 

but there is something good in a fortnight :)

In this almost two weeks, it can be said as everything went not so well. One by one circumstance happen. Firstly, I get not enough sleep because of finishing my novel, but, the ending was so disappointing. I slept at four, just imagine! The next day I've to woke up early because of something that I can't mention here. Family matter that doesn't have to do with me really. And tada... after lunch at home, water supply at my residential area has been outage. It last till night. That time I still doesn't done my packing.

Projek tadah air pagi buta around pukul 1.30 pagi 

-with abang & adik

The next day, heading straight to Lake Kenyir (lari daripada kesusahan takde air :P). Drizzle escorting us all along the way. When we arrived at the information counter (I think), the place's closed. Mak and adik went to snapping photos. Ayah and abang went to the washroom, leaving me reading the pamphlet of Tasik Kenyir. Suddenly a tourist reproached me. Greeting salam then ask whether I can speak English or not. I gulped for a sec. I'm not confident enough to say I speak well because I never do, then I said, a lil bit. Then I entertained her for a while answering the questions she asked, helping what I can (can't help much, it was my first time there too). Oh, she's a Germany and were there for a holiday with her husband. She's very pretty with her hijab. :)

Then, we look for an accommodation for a place to stay since we were tired of a long journey. Then we chose Lake Kenyir Resort & Spa. Tada... check in time. The service here, we need to use bogey service, the car like a golf cart tu. My first impression, I jaw-dropped when I look at the abang bogey tu, he's devastatingly handsome. I was like jatuh-suka-pandang-pertama when the first time I look at him.

That time, tak sangka pulak he's the one yang going to take us to the lobby from the parking lot. Aku dah tersengih-sengih when dia turun and help me to lift the bag to the cart. He lifted my bag! Oh my! Then tempat belakang tu dah penuh, I said "Err, pegang la beg yang tu." Dia paused, then he hand over the bag to me and said "Oh, nak pegang?" Hee~ I was so excited that time tapi muka maintain stone, okay?

Tu dia, the one yang driving. Pics ni pun mak yang snap, dia ter-interframe la kiranya. Tapi tu la, dari belakang je. The one yang tudung hitam is me, and beside me, ayah. Abang duduk depan, adik and mak kat belakang. Wee, dari posisi tu, tell you what, sangat jelas untuk mengusha. Fuh!

What's so handsome about him? I like his eyes. Alis mata dia lebat and sederhana panjang. Mata dia sangat jernih, ...err coklat kut. Kening dia lawa, then, lekuk kat pipi dia yang seksi, ahah. Oh mulut dia comel je, haha. Oh ya, and I think he's a leftie sebab dia pakai jam dekat tangan kanan. Woot woot! Macam Takuya Kimura. Amboi Liz, sampai macam tu sekali ye usha anak teruna orang? Hais. Can't help it, okay?

Do you know something? I like listening when orang Terengganu sebut perkataan brek. Or in english brake. It sounds too cute. Dia ada cakap and I heard "Brek, brek. Tengok kete. Brek dop makang." Haha, comel je.

That time I also wish the same haha. Also, I wish if only I'm great at sketching, of course I can sketch his face, haha. Suddenly jealous of artists. It's because I'm really bad at remembering faces. Even sekarang pun I remember so vaguely. Argh! Ah, cut it. Dia ni boleh nak dikatakan pass dua-dua kategori handsome-macho and handsome-jambu, hoho. By the way, pernah tak dengar 'perempuan Kelantan cantik, lelaki Terengganu handsome'? Kalau pernah, korang memang awesome. Memang la tak semua, tapi benda ni macam umum, tau tak? Kalau korang tak percaya, meh ikut aku balik kampung, kita cuci mata, haha.

This one thing je la yang best dekat sana. Despite of him, ada je abang bogey lain, as in the friendly Abang Sobri and one more, abang baju merah. I didn't know their name besides Abang Sobri tu (not 'him'), hoho! And makanan dia super cekik darah, buffet RM45 sorang, I'm not wealthy, that's why. What else can be great when I have to miss my tv show 2D1N and tv series 3 episodes? Oh Kratika Sengar. :(

We managed to visit few places only when it rained at the afternoon on our second day. It rained non-stop till the next day. We spent half-day lepak-ing in our chalet except that night when I can't help feeling so hungry and we rang the bogey to take us to the lobby, to eat of course. Chicken chop, baby! :)

The Lake Kenyir

At the lake, and Deer Farm :)

Me, hehe. Poyo je :P

The next day, we head straight to kampung. On our way, nampak banyak tempat banjir. Tapi, we make it la. And thank God, kampung aku tu tanah dia tinggi sikit agaknya, jadi air tak naik la, tapi atas lagi dari tempat kita orang, tinggi jugak air naik, sampai kena pindah duduk balai raya. Malas la nak upload gambar banjir tu, haha.

Upload jela satu, ha, lebih kurang macam ni la banjir

And meet the cat, it's my cousin's. Dia kecit je lagi. Kucing tu betina, besar jugak dah. I wonder why dia bagi nama kucing dia Bodo. *sigh* She's cute. Suruh tukar nama, abang kepada my cousin ni cakap nak panggil Billy. Apaper je la as long as bukan Bodo. Sangat-sangat inappropriate.

My cousin, and the cat. Cute, ain't she?

First day kat sana, aku habiskan baca Saranghaeyo, Arumi! tu yang tinggal lagi sikit. Cerita tu best, and Arumi tu sangat hamdsome. Lagi handsome daripada Choi Minho tu sendiri, okey? Haha, best la cerita tu walaupun cerita lower teenage. Will be waiting for the sambungan. :) Lepas habis tu bosan kemain, so aku pun dah jadi addict dengan game Cut The Rope dekat dalam tablet Anroid aku tu, benda tu sangat comel, katak agaknya, ke alien tah. Tab tu mak bagi early birthday present, yang murah punya je.

Lepas dua hari duduk kampung, kitorang pun head to KL. Balik la apa lagi? Haha. See? Aku dah malas nak type. Um, masa on the way balik tu ada sekali kena patah balik ikut jalan lain sebab banjir, it makes the journey last ten hours. Ten hours in the car? Penat weh, sakit segala sendi otot. Hais. Okey, I obviously wanna express my gratitude to those yang read this entry to the last word. So, annyeong! (^.^)v

Overdose get worse

To be honest, I'm not in the mood to write. If I go on, I'll be blabbing of something stupid. But I do have something to tell. Let go straight to the point, okay? I can't help but to get carried away. Y'know why? Last night I slept nearly 4 a.m. because I've been reading a book (my chill pill). Remember? The one I mentioned in my last entry. The Traitor.

Aha, it was coming to the end, that's why I was eager to finish it. It got me heart-pounding so hard on every page I turned. Sreett! But the ending was so.... so.... I don't like it. The ending was hanging? Not a happy ending? Something like that. I was expecting that the end, all the prisoners will escape back to Earth.

Buy, why? Why? Why did the main character, Adam didn't make it back to Earth? Not just that, he didn't make it just to save a traitor that he fell in love with. Lastly, they stayed together at The Dial. What the..? I really unsatisfied with the ending. The story line was so good all along, and it spoiled at the ending part.

Okay, enough of that. But the book really make me feel like I don't wanna touch it anymore. Oh my. Okay, I'll be out tomorrow and I still don't finish packing. Packing is killing me. About travelling, packing is the most thing I hate to do. But I'm excited to visit Tasik Kenyir. I've never been there before. Wish me a safe journey, all right?

Um, I've been staring the screen for a moment. I forgot what I wanna write. So, I'll end it here. Wish me all a great journey okay? Oh ya, my residential area have no water supply for nearly eight hours! *rolling eyeballs*

I really need to be out of town right now (except for the packing part). Hey, I don't run, I just need a space. But, please highlight this point. Not a single second I put it out of my mind, heart, and soul. It's inside me. To the core of my heart. Oh la la~ Onu özledim.

Take a chill pill, Liz!

Hello (with a hand lifted up). I ain't an actress, but to pretend alright or to seem happy while inside incoherent, that's my major. I don't know why, I'm not sure why, I cried myself to sleep last night, in my bed. There's even no particular matter in my head, it just that I got carried away, perhaps?

I don't know whether this incoherent is either because fear of losing or struggling in missing or worse accepting impossibilities. Not sure. But probably all three rolled into one, huh? Don't you think? Since yesterday, while all should be delighted (yeah of course I'm elated), but deep inside, I smell fear. Yes. Fear with a big F.E.A.R. 

I know I shouldn't. I shouldn't even start to involve (or in other word bother, or went deeper). But, who can't stop it? No one, man. Not a single lad. Heart is not a train that follows its track, heart is the most stubborn (I dunno, organ?) that always out of track no matter how hard we wanna make it keep on track, agree, no?

So, as usual, a quitter (or maybe fact-accepter or the-one-who-wanna-be-in safe-zone) like me always have this phase on mind - 'go for more distraction than anything else because I can't handle spending the day with my thought'. And so I drown in my book (luckily it works, alhamdulillah) which keeps me out of reality, keep me anxious from cover to where-I-stop-right-now (and hope to the end cover too). This is what I call my chill pill. :) But it's running out, or to be exact I'm on my way to finish reading it. Just a lil bit more.

this is the book :P

Trust me, english novels really get into you when you drown in it. The feeling is indescribable amazing plus infinity awesomeness. How the scenes were pictured, it's beautiful. The choice of words, razor-sharp. The language, simply cool. The characters, great. No doubt. If you have the same interest as mine, you'll understand what I'm trying to tell, yes?

But wait! I almost reach the end cover (nearly finish reading, and I can't slow down of course). And for that, thanks to my lil sister that suddenly appear very-understanding-whereas-she-dunno-nothing. What did she do? She SUDDENLY gimmie (lend me, act) another 'chill pill'! It is hers. I just freaking-yeay-jumping inside, was like 'yeay! another supply.' Double great plus double blast, isn't it? *wink*

second chill pill - Saranghaeyo,  Arumi!

Yeay! *still jumping inside* I'm looking forward to read this. A malay-lower-teenage novel (my lil sis's standard I can tell) but I can guarantee myself it is freaking interesting. I am excited to read this since my study plan for this month can be said... flunk? Don't blame me, I was topsy-turvy to survive alone. *hand's up*

Another yeay-ing news for my lil heart. On this Saturday, which is two days from now, I'll be out to Tasik Kenyir for hols (with family)! Yeay! A trip to release the trapped feeling inside. After three days there, we'll be heading straight to my kampung halaman which is in Terengganu too. So, around five days away, I do need that, to be far away (though I know my heart isn't, but at least it's an effort, no?). I do look forward to all these. Excited, enthusiastic, and all other 'E' words that can describe my feeling right now.

It's not that I'm not good at expressing myself out (but that's the fact anyway), I just wanna cheer myself up with happy stuff so that I won't be too focusing on my grief and sorrow. Understand, no? T'sal I wanna say.

XOXO,

Ivory Blue (a.k.a Ivy or Liz)

p/s: Hey, now this is me talking! I found the lost track of me, myself. Seems like my writing skill (or what else to call?) is getting better, than foregone. The recent me, my writing is too ridiculous-lost-entahapehapeentah. I lost, and now and later (I hope) will keep on like this. :)

The 48th day

As everyone in Malaysia knows (probably everyone), hari ni ialah hari result PMR keluar. Oh, and of course, aku antara yang menyemak nak pergi sekolah jugak. Hmm, aku tak tahu nak cakap apa, but I just wanna be there. Kongsi rasa.

Satu rasa yang aku tak pernah rasa, dup dap yang lebih dahsyat berbanding waktu aku sendiri. A long wait, 48 days, just imagine. And I was freaking jumping bila nampak dia senyum dari jauh. That time I was like 'alhamdulillah wa syukirillah' deep in my heart. It's a sign of good news. Sayu, entah kenapa.

Tak lupa juga ucapan tahniah kepada kroni aku yang resultnya alhamdulillah, sorang straight 9, sorang slack satu, 8. Dan dia? *simpan senyum dalam hati* Alhamdulillah, with a big proud in my heart, straight juga. I feel like crying in happiness that my prayers dimakbulkan Allah. It just that I feel so ralat until now that I don't even say a word, even a 'Tahniah' or 'Congrats' or even a simple-congrats-smile. What's on my head that time? Glad, proud, that I forgot to react. Dah terlalu dekat dan aku just get the chance smelted. *slap forehead*

Sungguh, rasa hati yang aku simpan 47 hari dan yang ke-48, rasa macam that feeling yang berbuku tu macam flew away out. Rindu, ya. That hard word for me to let out. Alhamdulillah and big congrats, kay? XOXO No words could describe how happy I am for you, how proud I am of you, and how glad I am just to be there watching you. Hamdan lillah wa syukran alaihi. *with a broad smile plastered on my face* Seni seviyorum~ (^.^)/

On loop button mode

1. Dia Atau Diriku - Ungu

Sampai kapankah kita akan bersama
Bila tak pernah ada perasaan cinta antara kita
Perasaan saling menyayangi

Sampai kapankah kita akan bersama
Bila kau hanya bisa mencintaiku separuh hatimu
Separuh kau mencintainya

Sungguh tak mungkin, sungguh tak bisa
Kita kan bersama bila kau masih membagi cinta

2. In My Remains - Linkin Park

Separate
Sifting through the wreckage
I can't concentrate
Searching for a message
In the fear and pain
Broken down and waiting
For the chance to feel alive

Now in my remains
Are promises that never came
Set the silence free
To wash away the worst of me

Come apart
Falling in the cracks
Of every broken heart
Digging through the wreckage
Of your disregard
Sinking down and waiting
For the chance to feel alive

School coming

Just now I went out to shop for school stuff for the upcoming school session, soon. Yes, soon. I don't feel like I don't like it since next year will be the last year forever I'll be a school student. Sad. But reality do hurts.

I didn't shop much, just my lil' sis bought so many stuff of hers as she already had ran out of those. I only grabbed a few. Masa ambil tu pun kena consider benda tu boleh pakai lagi ke kalau lepas sekolah ni. Semua duk consider macam tu, sedih betul. Even baju sekolah pun pakai yang lama lagi, been four years. Biarlah, last. Haha.

Semua duk fikir last je. Sedihnya. Bakal jadi senior, a SPM candidate. Fuh, apaper pun in shaa Allah everything will flow greatly. As usual, I'm out of words, so bye-bye before I blab any longer here. Bye. 

Accepting... accepted!

I was at a point where I feel hard to accept the changed situation. Bukan semua benda yang kita suka boleh berlaku. In the other hand, sedar tak sedar kadang-kadang benda kita tak sukalah kita kena learn to accept. Sejauh mana pun kita ketinggalan, Allah will save something for us in the future. Pegang pada benda ni, in shaa Allah there will be no green with envy, ye tak? 

Before this, I was been asking myself whether I can't accept because of I really care or because of envy. Deep inside I know it was more to envy, and I know it was no good at all. So, I fight with my thought. Hey, if you know you can never get it, why should you bother anyway? Can't you just let it? Bukan susah pun, nak tamak buat apa de? Tak salah tumpang gembira atas other's happiness.

Heh, it's been too long since I didn't write and my talent got rusty. See? How flaw my writing is? Macam mana punya tak sampai maksud sebenar yang aku nak sampaikan. Heh! Asalkan aku faham sudeh. Lately nak kata busy tak la busy mana. Tapi tu la, mood pun takde. Serious, aku dah malas. Malas dalam macam-macam hal. Haila, haila. Tahapehape. Dah la, aku dah lost of words. Adios!

Vicks, Minyak Cap Kapak, Yoko Yoko

It's been a week since December started. But all my plans? It was all wrecked. It's because I caught a fever. Three days since Monday. At that time, Vicks, Minyak Cap Kapak tu, and Yoko Yoko tu je yang jadi peneman aku. Sungguh, demam tu sangat teruk. Dah lama aku tak demam macam tu, seingat aku, last masa form 2. Nangis-nangis aku kat sekolah masa tu sebab sakit plus tak larat sangat.

Dan sungguh, aku refuse nak pergi klinik sebab suddenly aku sedar something. Yang kos perubatan terhadap diri aku sorang dalam keluarga aku, paling tinggi antara yang lain. Sebab aku kerap sakit. Macam-macam sakit aku kena. Aku pun tak boleh nak kata apa jugak, dah Allah nak bagi. Tapi tu la, macam menyusahkan parents aku je. Ayah aku dah la dah nak pencen, mak aku suri rumah je.

Tapi betul, hanya berbekalkan dua biji panadol setiap kali waktu makan ubat, and semangat dari mak, yang duk urut aku sana sini, yang paksa aku makan itu ini, aku sembuh tanpa pergi klinik. Masa aku duk nangis-nangis hari pertama aku demam tu, sambil duk urut kepala aku ni mak aku duk cakap "Ni maybe kafarah Allah nak bagi, sebab kita banyak dosa..." and so on. Sungguh, air mata yang keluar tu bukan just sakit, tapi terharu plus sedar diri sekali. Alhamdulillah.

And aku demam bukan demam biasa. Siap sakit perut lagi. Trust me, demam plus sakit perut sangat-sangat tak okey, okey? Maybe sebab aku tak makan. Then, lepas muntah sekali, aku slow-slow start makan. Paksa diri jugak. Memang berat. Aku tak suka sakit, tapi aku lah yang paling kerap sakit dalam rumah aku ni. Macam-macam la. Hmm, yang lawaknya, elok je cuti ni aku makan dua kali sehari, lepas aku baik demam ni, mak kemain lagi paksa aku makan banyak-banyak. Nasi dalam pinggan kemain banyaknya, tak pun saja je masak benda aku suka, haha.

Apa-apa pun aku bersyukur atas segala kekuatan yang Allah bagi kat aku, ujian ni semua, tanda Allah masih sayang kat aku, kan? Dan aku harap, apa yang aku duk plan ni boleh la berjalan dengan lancarnya. SPM wehh! Haha.

Wake up from a long rest

Selepas sebulan tak pandang buku langsung, I mean buku ilmiah, asyik berchenta dengan novel aje, sekarang dah tiba masanya nak berchenta dengan buku-buku ilmiah pulak. Petang karang nak menghadap rak buku la, kemas apa patut. Mesti lama, haha.

Buat kali terakhir (mungkin), aku nak kosngsikan dengan korang few movies yang aku layan bulan lepas. Yang aku rasa best. Kalau korang free, tengok la. Jangan lupa pelajaran sudah. Yang aku recommend mesti la best, kan? Haha. Jadi aku malas nak buat summary. Aku bagi link je, kay?

1. Special Investigation Unit (Korean) - Click Here

2. Never Ending Story (Korean) - Click Here 

3. Tae Guk Gi: The Brotherhood of War (Korean) - Click Here 

Now I realized, lately aku asyik layan movie Korea aje, hahaha. Okey la, sebelum misi mengemas bermula, aku nak layan movie (Melayu okey?) dulu. Doakan kejayaan aku dalam misi ilmiah aku ye? Haha. Macam lawak pulak bunyinya. Salam alaikum readers! :)