That is just how life goes on

It's not that I'm in love or something that I'm swinging the mood of lovey-dovey these days. It just that I'm adjusting err ...my life? Yeah, simplest word to explain I guess. Hmm, somehow or rather, recently I'm looking my life from the brighter side. Even, small things can make me happy, and I really do, no jokes! I like it this way. It's like that I'm not wallowing in the melancholy stuff. Can't let it pulls me down.

For now, I'm a bit of loving everything that happens, or kinda look everything as something that I love or to love. That's why I look like I'm up to the hilt in love or something? Trust me, it's nice to be this way. Smiling all the way long, decreasing the hatred, not involve too much in problems, quite well study, and most important... love every single thing in life (take it as something that makes me happy). Like waa, what a change!

Though I've been through a quite hard time recently. Though I need to do something when I'm not ready. Though there're many things to think about. Though there're many hearts to consider. Though my feelings are hard to explain. Though tests come to me non-stop. Though melancholics keep appearing in my life just like bubbles in the sea. Though it will be only me to understand me although sometimes not. And even though the world is trying to pull me down, I want to stand still and get what I want! Focus on study. If I success I can get what I want and the things that I ever wanted before. Not if I keep chasing what I want without nothing, I'll end up getting nothing. All I need to do is let life happen and not trying to figure out everything because not everything is needed to be understood.

p/s: Don't try to understand everything, or you'll end up getting nothing.

What had happen already to be happened

A complete change of mood, situation, feelings and etc in one day? A normal thing to happen. Yesterday, it was amazing! Me, Ally, Ain, Wani, Tash went to PWTC for PBAKL '12. It was great. Not much to say but it really was, though normal thing happens, bought books, met some authors, jalan-jalan, taking photos. :) But, there is one author I really wanna meet so badly, but I guess I was a bit ...late? (Who was it? Let only me know 'bout this, okie?). I'm really frustrated as I think I'm not able to be there again, huhh.

Now I've about 11 more novels to be read, hehe! Yet I know, exam come first. Y'all, wait ya! Huhu. Hmm, it was quite exhausting. Walk, walk, walk. Many funny things happened too. That abang Gempak Stars and macam-macam lagi (actually malas nak elaborate each and every part). Ngahaha. Oh ya, we also bought button badge everyone each written our names, jeongmal yeppuda. *wide smile*

We walk around all over, till the second floor too as Tash wanna buy a dictionary. Ally was wondering around wanting some balloons. Childish level highly increase, huh? But, there's a sis told us, to get balloon we need to get some IQ test, ...but with parent guide! I wanna laugh on the floor that time, it was a children booth lah! After done, we stop by JSAdiwarna's booth and we spent a quite long time there, to make a decision to buy which book, well, duit dah kurang, haha! At last, we decided. That abang there gave us a balloon thanking for our earnestness, and Ally was happy for it.

It's not that all. We take photos outside too. Even in the ladies. Haha. Disturbing some promoters, and many more. Before taking the train back, we had McD's chocotop. Delicious! And that's it. Almost all. Malas nak cerita everything, not in mood.

It was yesterday's. Today? Emm, kinda lose one from the stock maybe? Hard to explain the truth, what I feel. It's not hard, just my ego like restraining me? Yeah, true much. Okay, to be frank, I do feel the lost. Act, after this one-by-one-of-leaving-me, I realize that I was relying too much on others. Like someone with a lots of paddles. Now, one by one were being pulled, forcing me to stand on my own feet in a short period, while I'm not ready, when I'm still in the comfort zone.

Currently, while I'm setting my determination in my future, that time I was forced to do everything all alone, relying on no one, go on what've been set on my very own feet. It's tough, although not everyone can see it. Now, the only paddle left is my very own feet. Which I need to start stepping forward focusing on study and only study. Strive for success, keep that in mind! I walk alone... all alone.

Strong, strong gal! Hwaiting! Bersusah-susah dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian. Insya-Allah. Kurigo, all the best for everyone, including me, moga Allah permudahkan segalanya.

And for my bro, so long, till then. Kalke, jal ga.

I see your true colour

So, it was a total crap, huh? Believing that you got a heart, but the truth is you are a hundred percent liar! A heartless one. It's me who was stupid believing that, forgetting that YOU, will be forever YOU. That's the fact that I need to save in my memory. Back then, it was me you're killing, yeah, part from it I've survived. Now, it's my friend! Only He knows how sad I really am. Don't you know and 'enough', gal?

There's nothing else I can say though, anymore. Now, let's just the fate will bring you guys down, back to the reality, after a jeopardize hurt, maybe? Oh ya, forgot to tell. Instead of doing that crap alone, I see you bring someone with you, right? Alright then, I'll see for how long you'll be up there. And to undergo that, I really need a strong shield. Going to restrain too much annoys.

So, this will be just you guys I hope I'm strong enough not to get involved with it. Like sitting back doing nothing watching a horror movie. I don't want to get flawed again, in my exam, just because that such an uneducated circumstance popped-up from gal like you guys! *talk to the hand* So now, it's a sit-back-doing-nothing mission, I'm all in! And now, I've enlisted.

And that's why I smile

Strumming guitars in my heart,

Humming following the rhyme,

Filled my heart with all the whimsy of delight,

Never letting my eyes stray too far from you.

p/s: And that's why I smile, it's been a while. Since everyday and everything has felt this right. :)

For at least you realize something

For at least you know you should be sorry,

For the first time of knowing an 'enough',

Though it wasn't totally for me,

At least I know you have heart too.

More than expected: highest level, perhaps?

A great feeling I can describe me right now: like a soothing sounds of acoustic guitar segueing all over me, I guess? Haha. Spout, spout, spout! Ahh, I lose my words, like seriously. I'm light-hearted, I am. It's a total lie if I say I don't. Feel glee and like dancing all around, smiling two days non-stop (wow, exaggerate, eh?).

After getting myself in the safe zone, I don't expect much. I never thought that I still can be revel when I'm still in my safe zone. Not out circled though. It's not much, kalau dicerita pun boleh je orang cakap 'apalah sangat', but that makes me happy, so ssup? Just that simple. And it was funny when I realize it wasn't that awkward to title myself with my own name, thee hee~ And when the feeling of hearing my own name is differ. Bangga and seronok tu semacam je, huhu.

I guess that's enough, haha. Such a widespread fame. Enough for now, adios amigos!

Dwell at ease and be in a great relief

I can't stop myself from keep smiling today. I admit, everything happens not as planned today. After my brain feels like bursting in any sec with those activities bla bla bla, I don't manage to do everything right, always the desperate plan.

Our lisan presentation just now, we've prepared so well. But, it was only me today in our group (when Wanie and Mizah are absent and Nik went to mathematics quiz). So, I've to overhaul my plan, fully. But biggest thanks to Ally, Tash, and Dzul. It won't be that good without them. A last minute plan, with their helps, we tend to do a great presentation, brings laughter to the whole class. A great news just now! Thanks guys. By the way, Nik made it at the last minute. :) I'm still happy with it.

The LDK. Idea's there, but the plan, wholly screwed up. Appreciated Nik, Ally, Syiera, and Sally's help. You're trying. I can see. :) The enormous thanks to Him that He'd facilitated every single thing. Cikgu Suzila helped me for the second module and the in put of course. What makes me happy is that 'that last minute plan' be liked by everyone *senyum bangga sekejap* Anyhow, this won't happen without His and everyone's help. Bukan mudah, be at my place, as a fesi, and thanks to everyone for your kerjasama, ...and words? Hehe.

I feel very satisfied, relief that half of my burden has been settled and much more feeling else that is unstated. Can't even think about it. More than words can say. Alhamdulillah ala' kulli haal. :) Ngee~

Pain, pain, go away

Someone's beginning is someone's ending. I won't let this to happen. Ever. Not this time, babe. It's enough that I was at the underneath in every aspect. So, let me ignore it no matter how much it hurts, to achieve for my excellence. Furthermore, it's not that hurt anymore, it just that it annoys much. So, from being fail in both, why not I just let go of one, and concentrate on the other one? Or I'll get rope burns on my both hands if I try to get both whereas I know I can't. So, here, me, now wanna let go of one rope and use the one's left to climb to the zenith. Insya-Allah. Abaikan sekeliling, kalau tak yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong berciciran. For what's the use of fighting for the unworthies? Logic man, logic!

Cover it all, time to change

Time pass away. Without realizing it, we're chasing the time, not time is after us. Thereto the jam-packed schedule, those activities I participated, damn exhausting! Yet I'm willing to, rightio? Just can't imagine I've to give my full commitment in the pertandingan Radio, projek rekacipta, choral speaking, funfair, pemeran Chemistry, pemeran Biology, photography, nasyeed, kawad kaki pengakap. Just imagine! Itu pun a few dah tarik diri due to Hanis's transfer and afraid not to give a good commitment. I should not forget 'bout my study too. Few things need to catch up, few things need to revise, exam is just around the corner by the way!

Just now the whole day I've been in the chemistry lab. Making a demonstration of vinegar volcano with Dila and Abe. Feel like a doctor for a moment with the white coat. Haha! At first we're excited doing it, but imagine 5 plus hours doing the same thing repeatedly, we got bored. And it was Abe's idea to tease the evening school session's student. *evil laugh for a moment* Abe humbug them that once they touch the exploded volcano (just a colouring bubble with detergent), they will get their hand hollow. The thing is dengan selambanya dia cakap "Alah, setakat lubang tu biasa lah. Seminggu dua minggu baiklah." The funny thing is they trusted him and get so scared to get near us or even to do it by themselves. They poured the vinegar with their hand's shaking! Just can't help it. Dila and me be in cahoots with Abe after that. We are way too happy. Pity them, heh!

We also manage to nose around the pameran Biology and Physics. I've got my blood tested. Guess what? Three of us are universal donor! *tayang muka bangga kejap* My blood pressure is okay. Then, the dissecting of frogs. Only god knows how I'm not willing to see it. Pity them. One of the frogs died because of too much chloroform, which accidentally spilled a lot of it. Isk. How could Nik and Wanie dared to do it. Then, at Physics's there're only games which I don't even won any of them at got bahan-ed! Cis!

Also, when there is good, there is the bad part to, right? Normal things. Too much doze of annoys the last three hours before we're done. Thank god there's Dila there, to soothe me and Abe to make me laugh (laughing head off). And we talked 'bout us, rolling back last year's memories. I do miss last year. When we're still together, our class, duh! That title Mr. Sharpener for Abe, oh those memories! And not forget 'bout the free breakfast and lunch today. Sponsored bun and mi hun. :)

So overall, today's cool (though exhausting) and though there's bit annoying situation back then. The conclusion is we need those happy dupey things to get the unwanted covered. In addition, since Hanis's not with me, I feel stronger to manage with this as to be strong is the only choice left. Insya-Allah, furthermore there's reason for everything that happens, rightio? So, ssup nigar? *talk to the hand* Wallahu 'alam. Adios amigos, readers! ;D

Because it is JGS ♥

Ahh, I'm so gonna get hook up with this drama soon. It's Love Rain starred by Jang Geun Suk and SNSD's Yoona. Hee... *senyum tayang gigi* Today is the release date of this drama (in Malaysia), and I'm way too excited! Feeling like dancing around all alone. First time watched the drama's teaser, it kinda caught my attention. :) Hehe. JGS's drop dead gorgeous, isn't he? Don't miss it on every Monday and Tuesday at 9.05 p.m I think (kinda reminding myself?). Haha.

I won't miss any episode of this I think. 'Cause I'm kind of get stuck with drama so easily, well.. I admit, I am a drama-holic (especially k-drama). When I get hook up with a drama, I'll be loyal to it (since I choose drama to watch). I'm totally wonderstruck right now! Can't wait! Ngee...

p/s: The truth is I wrote this on 26th March as I thought it's the release date in Malaysia too, but I think it's only in Korea, maybe. Now, I've edited this post a bit (to match the situation) but my feeling still the same! :)

Need each other

Dila: Langit biru hari ni. Kadang-kadang aku rasa macam nak jadi awan je.

Cuna: Jangan jadi awan, sebab dia bertiup ke mana saja angin bawa.

Me: Kadang-kadang kita rasa macam nak jadi macam bintang juga, di mana kita bercahaya dengan cahaya sendiri. Tapi, kadang-kadang kita kena jadi macam bulan juga, depends on cahaya matahari.

Us: Yeah, semua dalam dunia ni saling memerlukan.

Bicara falsafah back then, huh? Haha. Tak tahulah kena sampuk hantu jiwang karat or too high of melancholic moods recently. Of course we still feel her loss, and yeah we let her blew our mind, heh! Whatever it is, I've more strength and support more then her there. To strengthen her, I've to strengthen myself first. I don't wanna make things go terribly awry. So, all I need to do is to pray to neutralize the situation. All the best to the best to achieve for the best. We have each other. Insya-Allah. Where ever we are, we are still standing under the same sky.

Left me to stand on my own feet

When no one to talk about football with.

When I was left to rely on no one.

I soon realize that I have to stand on my own feet.

Missing the well already

In the blink of an eye, it happened. Just yesterday we've been through a hard time. These few weeks back, totally sucks. Never thought it will end this way. The way that never cross my mind. Regret it like hell. I'm a total suck. Part from it, I'm the one who request it (though it's not this far). Whatever it is, it left nothing for me to do. What've happen already happen. Nothing can change that.

Just in a sec I've lose the one...

-who'll remind me what I forget

-who'll hear what I don't

-who'll zip my bag

-who'll do crazy stuff with me

-who'll cuci mata sama-sama with me

-whom I'll salin her notes

-whom I'll merapu-ing with

-whom I'll envy with

Indirectly, we'll lose an add maths's genius, tukang explain what I don't understand, tukang teman pergi sana sini, and a lot more which too many to be listed. And, the point is, we've lose a best friend, buddy, pal. A big hole here, that can't ever be reclaimed. The empty seat beside me... what a melancholic day today.

Rolling back through and through in my mind. Tak kan lupa main kejar-kejar tadi for the last time dekat sekolah masa school session for budak petang was about to end. Gila habis with Nik, Wanie, and Hanis of course. Gonna miss this big time. I hope it's not the last time we lose our mind together, like before, especially Nik, bila dia start, just can't help it! I love it like this, even though Dila and Cuna weren't there just now. Entah bila kita akan macam ni lagi, kan? Feel the loosing right now.

Anyhow, I should be happy for her, I'm not suppose to mourn. Now, tinggal tanggungjawab to pray for her. Insya-Allah. Salawati da'iman ma'aki ya Hanis. Uhibbuki jiddan kathiran, fillah. ♥

p/s: Hati gembira bersama teman, bersuka ria di dalam taman, jikalau diizinkan Tuhan, pasti bertemu di hari kemudian.

Nothing's impossible, but not everything's simple

How to adjust if I'm the only upside down?

The reminder of that I'm the worst in stock?

Hearing devastating 'concern' everyday?

Being underestimated every single time?

Kinda fail in every attempt?

Alternate glory and failure?

Until I realize it's just a dream

Everything ends as soon as I woke up

Though it wasn't that long, I happened to experience it, know quite well what it feels like being in the limelight, overshadowing others. It's always been a dilemma between two path, us or others? Well, dream is not as in dream solely, to enjoy or else. Lesson learnt. What a complete storyline it was!

Give me strength

Oh Allah, give me strength to set my heart in this path

Turn over a new leaf

After a heaps of troubles I went through, I've made up my mind to get out of it. It just that I need that strength, strength from Him. I'll make a change, totally change. I'll erase all the unnecessary things from my past book, or to make it traceless, I'll rip the page and start with new one.

Today, as it's first day of this month, here, me, kinda make a vow to myself to change every single perception, view, goals, direction, and way to achieve my goals. There'll be no more mere as it'll be the biggest stonewall for me to achieve my goals, and alhamdulillah, I'm scraping it from the very me, throwing all those in the trash basket, but well, still need a second to adjust.

The latest thing is there is no more fogs, no longer fuzzy, it's now clear as crystal. I can see what I really want! (I've been setting this in my mind since few weeks ago for actual). I wanna be a doctor (please anyone don't laugh cause I'm damn serious). No more strum. Let's be like last year, if there is desire and effort, 'obstruction' is a meaningless word. Hidupkan balik semangat tahun lepas! Study group all those, tahun lepas boleh, takkan tahun ni tak boleh, ye tak? I've prove it last year, why not prove it again? And again? I'll do anything to perform well in my exams and get the best in my SPM. Insya-Allah He'll pave me the way.

Last but not least, please please please decrease my sloth and increase my diligence, effort, faith towards Him, and the most important is moga dipermudahkan segalanya, dilapangkan dada untuk menerima ilmu, diberkati selalu. Insya-Allah, ameen ameen ya rabbal alameen. :)