Wat Zit Tooya

The ignorance finally ends.
I almost do what Squidward did.
Luckily fate's beautiful.
With His help. :)

*****
Sweet smile by the way! :)

Are you my remedy?

"Titik lebur ditemui. Kini peringkat peralihan dari pepejal ke cecair. Trial yang berjaya tanpa error."

*****

I asked for a hint from Him
cause I don't wanna land 
on a hard surface anymore
when I'm free falling...

Cause you're hot like a bonfire
that your degrees of hotness
melts me down...

Turned me heartless

Calling now, it terrifies me
And I don't know why
There you go, you're paralyzing me
And I don't know why

I was trembling, and my heart raced. Am I physiological imbalance now? Anxiety kills me. Waiting excites me. Feel like I'm already addicted now. Can't resist from musing over. Accidentally becomes part of my routine. Ah, that's the word. I feel out of control. Butterflies flap their colourful wings lively in the stomach. It gets worse day by day. It is involuntary and uncontrollable. ...and the sparks fly. :)

Maybe I'll find you
Maybe I won't
Baby I'll try to
Even if I don't
You are what I never knew I needed
What I never knew I needed

Though I'm absolutely clueless 'boutcha! These ignorance kills me slowly like protein-based poison. Makes me eager to find out even though I feel like I hit an impasse. Fully surrender to Him, the writer of this story. I have my faith in Him. Insya-Allah kheir if we put our intention for His sake.

*****
Credit for lyrics: 
Munich - The Fray
Rainy Zurich - The Fray
Syud :)

Not this time, jaebal!

"Naneun naega chowa, jinja chowa."

*****

For some reason, I'm afraid to declare as every single time I made up my mind, it turned out to be a disappointment, whether you see them out with someone else (S.D.O.S lyrics) or anything unacceptable. But, please, not this one, not this time around.

With my eyes closed

I think of you

I remember how two days ago, I almost cried when recalling

...the way'e smiled

...'is figure prostrate to Him

And today, seeing 'im worship Him, it moved my heart, deep. I was touched. I was fascinated. I adore 'im. I respect 'im. Dreaming the days to stand behind 'im. Really. ...and I smiled. :)

The memories that 

filled up my heart

The unknown feelings 

I have are wanting you

Credit: Parts of I'm Nobody's lyrics

Whatever it is

There's no time to despair, no more. Life must go on no matter how I was humiliated the day before. Yesterdays remain yesterdays. Try not to think of it so much as it could effect me big time.

Scared, don't show. 
Ashamed, just ignore.
Hurt, be strong.

Though it hurts having something that hold you back from doing what you wanna do so badly. :(

*****
Dreams with eyes open. [Fantasy version] #1

"Kalau kau diberi peluang untuk tanya satu je soalan kat aku, apa kau nak tanya?"

"Kenapa awak handsome sangat?"

Disgraced

This supposed to be a perfect day, really.
Everything flows perfectly.
Until she messed every single thing up.
I don't totally blame her though.
I just feel disgraced, like maruah macam dipijak-pijak.
I don't know how am I gonna hold on till the last day.
My happiness and pride was snatched away just in a blink of an eye.

p/s: Maybe she forgot that I have feelings too, that I'm a human who owns a dignity and pride. Someone needs to think before they speak, really.

Filled the empty space

This is a complete day.
Cause everyone's here.
Almost perfect. :)

Cherish the present

Just like the saying, that's exactly what I'm doing now, hehe. It's cruel to call that spare part, but it's the second that caught my eye. Can be said that I'm moving on to next? Hmm, seems quite unfair. Why? Tell you what, even it's second, that very second la yang the first to be eye-catchy that I met on my very first day. Way before the existence of the first in my life.

Faham tak? It dropped to the second choice in the first place because first, rarely meet, second, what a funny hairstyle! And since style has changed into something way better and stylo and hot! I just knew that all this time maybe I'm a bit spero!

And today, me going home a bit late was very worth it cause, it's directly proportional! ...and right in front of my eyes. Hey eye mo two point o! :)

*****

Just the song I'm kinda stuck up a bit lately. :) The Script - Breakeven

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?

I'm falling to pieces, yeah.

I'm falling to pieces.

Just temporary?

Kusangkakan panas sampai ke petang, rupanya hujan di tengah hari.

What am I gonna say?
How am I gonna describe?
That what laid over on the branch
...suddenly vanished by the wind.

Do you understand the feeling when the perception towards someone suddenly drop because of certain things you can't accept? That's exactly what I felt right now. Perhaps this is called 'panas setahun terhapus dek hujan sehari', right? I should be happy yesterday cause the long wait finally ended, yes, I do feel happy, I did, but something just snatched it away from me. The fact, and what I've seen. Tell me, enough. Though I can't press the brake paddle immediately, I can pull the hand brake and slow down, right?

It's a luck that I didn't fall too deep, that I can climb up back, though it's almost half the depth. Though it's quite hard. Cause nothing wrong is did towards me. Moreover I've just got an invitation to move up one stage ahead the others (and I'll accept that with static permanent status and feeling, deal?). Just I need to resist myself. As I said once before, better pull off before a crash landing. Hamdan lillah, I did. :)

Okay! Enough of yesterday's story. Today! Jeng jeng jeng! I've got my L license! *happy blink blink face* Though waiting for my agent took an hour, and it worth patience to wait for server down at the JPJ's office, and another wait to reach back home, I took that as an amazing journey in my life. First, cause, I kinda took one step forward in my life (dapat lesen, siapa tak rasa like a grown up wehh?). Second cause I've given a chance to meet great new people (I can call them friends). Hanged out with them throughout the whole process, one was my originally friend, two that I met for the second time cause of this licence matter too, and the other one I've just met today tapi ramah dia macam member okay! ...and FYI, only me and my friend are girls. ...and performed zuhur's prayer with them at the mosque nearby, lepak dekat stall, I really feel that we're friends like that. Like a group yang take care of each other since our agent memang tinggalkan kita orang terkapai kapai pandai sendiri nak hidup gitu. Entah jumpa lagi ke tak lepas ni, I just wanna tell you guys that meeting you guys is one of the great things that happened in my life. if we ever meet again.

And then... I stopped by at my school jenguk tengok adik-adik pengakap apa cer. Sungguh I miss Scout 41. Forever in my heart, and I've got an invitation for the Kem Perdana. Macam VIP tau! Haha. Orang kuat pengakap bak kata Faiz. I still think that Yusof and Noraini deserve that better, way better. Whatever it is, I love them sooo damn much okay! Suddenly rindu nak sekolah balik. Serius tak tipu! Walaupun cikgu called me orang berkerjaya! Haha. I like it there at my work place but I reaallllyyy love school days tau. Walaupun full of bittersweet memories, I think those thought me to grow up as much as they hurt me, but I do believe that time heals everything. Lepas tu pergi makan dengan Ain and W.M, lepak dengan Ell, ambil my left sweater, greet Kak Mary. And that's it my cuti tak macam cuti day! :)

Worn out waiting

Now I know that waiting...
killing me inside,
tearing me apart,
ripped my heart,
turned me upside down,
put me in misery,
teared me up.

*****

I didn't know that it'll turn out to be that worse. Sehinggakan tiba-tiba pulak boleh jadi cengeng macam tu sekali. Especially when never showed up till the last moment. I really feel I'm being stood up. I guess it's a preparation to won't never meet again. Baru four days, dah turned out that topsy turvy. Can't believe to recall how my eyes were being glued to the escalator scanning every single one who passed by. Can't imagine how bad it'll be when I get used to 'em. A super long wait. Felt like the time moved really slow. Six days were like six degrees of separation (ceh tetiba masuk tajuk lagu :P). I'm in a huge disbelief to know the fact that 4/10 days could influence me that bad, would effect me that deep. Sungguh, I'm worn out waiting. It's agonizing to think that the time is already decreased by a day.

Just a fortnight... for a lifetime

Kak Mary: "Dia ada, masa cepat lalu."

Haila Kak Mary! Kenapa kasi dialog sedih-sedih je hari ni? "Dia nak berhenti, nak belajar. Cakap sama dia belajar sungguh-sungguh." Haila haila. That's why I wanna spent all the time left with great memories to be preserved for a lifetime. Just within a fortnight (actually really really less than 14 days), I really really hope and wish that the final moments is filled with a lot of fun, laughter, stories, and of course happy memories before the departure that we can share together.

My heart is thumping so hard and fast thinking of tomorrow (Monday). I really can't wait for tomorrow like seriously! But technically it's already Monday now. Few more exciting hours to go. :) Only God knows how long I felt waiting for the time to pass by! Tik tok tik tok! It's quite sad though thinking about the fact that it's going to be fun together and that's it, byebye for good, without knowing whether fate's gonna bring us together again or not. That's why I said, a fortnight memories to be remembered forever.

I knew I am troubled

Kak Mary: "Mana itu cikgu disiplin?"
Me: "Cuti. Rindu dia ke?"

*****
Nadeul. *grin* Kak Mary, you're the best la! :)

Unreachable

"Like a bright, shining star. When I receive the light I feel brighter and also darker. When it's bright I get my hopes up, and when it darkens I feel disappointment."

*****

Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around...

SREETTT!!! Cut that crap. Oh c'mon! That's impossible der! I've told myself over and over again that I need to plant my feet firmly on the ground. But it's quite hard 'cause my conspiracy theory seems legit! Every single time I've made up my mind to 'move on to next', I get closer to my past, no no no! The past gets closer to me! It's like taking a step backward, or am I in a fast motion perhaps? But well, it's too late I said. I've already move on to the next chapter.

But! I have to come to my sense too. It's just me. I need to highlight the fact that no matter how close it gets, it's still unreachable. Closer yet still far-fetched. ...and impossible (that won't happen like never ever and forever). It's never a hope, just a false alarm. The status never changed, only the bond gets tighter. My questions are... why it happens every time like a vicious cycle? ...and why now??

Syndrome anagau anagu?

"Wo xiang, wo xihuan ni."

*****

What's the syndrome when my symptoms are...

even in a hectic situation I can't even focus?

hard for me to do things right?

I'm uncertain and restless?

...and a bit empty??

Kuch kuch ho ta hai?

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." - Thomas Haynes Bayly

*****

Four days and counting...

Day off!

Sungguh terasa nikmat cuti hari ni. Day off after five tiring days. Woke up almost half past twelve, like a boss! Lepak at mamak bistro with Dil, Nik, and Cuna (not Ell's day off) after went to BSN untuk beli nombor pin UPU tapi tak jadi. Lepak, updating, but tell you what, at this current time, my story is just to who knows well. ...or else they couldn't understand. If I were them also, I dunno if I can. So, this time, Ell's the best to vent on. *grin*

Balik tadi naik bas bertiga, sungguh teringat zaman-zaman balik sekolah dulu. Rindu betul time tu. The diff is no more paying 50 cents for the fare. Seringgit semedang je sekarang! Terasa diri ni tua betul. Even bila orang tanya umur dekat tempat kerja, awkward gila bila jawab, "I'm eighteen."

Tapi agak jealous dengan Ell hari ni, sebab untung le, dah nak balik pun sempat lagi nak stumble upon. Duh! Parah ke ni? Tak kan? Please tell me no.

Insecure: Don't know what for

I'm afraid that I started to lose the grip.
'Cause life's a slippery road 
...that makes me slipped more than once.
Since I can't find any reason to hold back.

Best day: Never regret

Today is the best day ever (throughout my working days).
Makes me never regret being placed in the gents dept, alone.
Gents department is the best! Sec floor paling gempak la.

So meaningful when my permanent is off day, left only me with the sporting part time, sebelah petang. :) Bila takde customer, waktu tu la paling meriah, main-main, kecoh-kecoh, borak-borak, laughing out loud (sambil aware if our supervisor tetiba muncul la kan). Apart from that, best day I could say! I really feel belonged on that floor, in that dept. *smiling ear to ear*

So irresistible!

I made a promise to myself to not easily slipped anymore. But well, life's a slippery road and I have to admit that. What's bizarre this time is the one that caught my eye is totally not my cup of tea! My colleague that I only came to know on my 'cho il'.

Seriously, but came to know in two days time really tell me that, no, I can't resist. Even for just to be an eye mo. So, I officially foul my rule. Heh! So irresistible!

The fact that my first impression that dia tak berapa nak straight totally fade away when get to know la. Lack dia sikit tapi besar, faham tak? Still, kira lulus walaupun masuk kategori pecah rekod. Nampak sangat all the listed qualifications dulu tu just a guideline that can be overruled. Tahniah, anda pecah rekod kerana berjaya to be my eye mo.

A Werewolf Boy

I watched this Korean movie on Astro Citra last Tuesday, 7th January. I watched it cause the gazette and the movie seems funny, after all, it was Song Joong Ki what? Haha.

But, later on I found out it was a melodrama movie. But tell you what, I never like Korean's melodrama (sorry), but this one is a total exception! I really love this movie. 5 starts! My rate is 9.7 out of 10. :)

This scene is extremely cute! ...also there's another one (I couldn't find the pics) where Cheol Su stretched his head forward asking Suni to rub his head after he succeeded tying his shoe strings. Aww!

This scene is so sweet. :)

I started to burst into tears at this scene

"Don't go." The first word ever!

...and this scene really teared me up and I sobbed :'(

"Wait for me, I'll come back for you."

...and because of a promise, he waited for 47 years!

I suddenly realize that a sad ending is way better than a crappy ending. I can't accept the fact that he blindly loyal waiting for her for 47 years long! It was a crappy-sad fact! What more she still left him in the end. I felt that it's better if he died being killed by Ji Tae or whoever. And because of the ending, my rate was lack of 0.3 points. Apart from that I can really tell that Song Joong Ki and Park Bo Young did a really great job, and as a viewer I give them a salute especially the Cheol Su's character played amazingly by the handsome Joong Ki. :)

ABC Game

Name(print your name here) : Liz (just wanted to know as this here).

A – Age: 18 (according to year).

B – Band listening to right now: Banyak. Mostly alt rock bands.

C – Career: Lepasan SPM?

D – Drink or smoke: Memang tak aa!

E – Easiest person/s to talk to: Dil. Mostly no one.

F – Favorite song/s at the moment: The Script - Six Degrees Of Separation

G – Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Colourful gula-gula tu ke?

J – Junk foods you like: Mister Potato Flame Grilled BBQ kut? Tak elok la makan junk foods!

L – Longest car ride ever: Cuma sebatang jalan depan rumah dekat Kuala Selangor? Sebab takde lesen lagi. :P

M – My favorite Sport/s: Suka sprint (tapi lari lembab - so tengok je la), bola EPL and FIFA (suka tengok).

N – Number of relationships you’ve had: None?

O – One wish you have: All my wishes will come true and have a happy ending in life. No matter how cheesy it sounds.

P – Phobias: Lizards and holes (sumpah geli)

Q – Favorite Quote: Love is a bloody mess.

R – Reason to smile: Banyak. Senyum je la bila rasa nak senyum.

S – Song: Now listening to – Now as in sekarang or recently? Sekarang takde pape. Recently kan dah cakap tadi?

T – Time you woke up: Pagi la. Paling lewat pukul 11. Dah lama pun tak bangun lewat.

U – Unknown fact about you: When I talk to someone, I mostly can't catch up 20%-30% facts about them and I tend to ask the same thing they've told. :(

V – Vegetable/fruit you hate: Veges banyak tapi paling tak suka cucumber dengan tauge. Fruits? Buah yang tak sedap (banyak), contohnya buah salak, and buah delima (sebab geli tengok)

W – Worst habit: Drolling? (Chet! Shh!) ...and susah kawal stress kut?

X – X-rays you’ve had: X-ray gigi masa nak buat braces.

Y – Yummy food/s: Banyak weh! Heaps of! Sizzling, burger, pizza, tako tao, kimbap, anything with cheese, roti and buns, hot and rolls, nasi goreng tomyam, ikan masak kicap, tomyam, pancake, aaa... ....and the list goes and on and on and on...

Z – Zodiac sign: Capricorn

Lastly – I wanna thank Kak Syud cause I stumble upon this game on her archive in her blog. So credit to her ...and thanks again sebab this game is interesting and fill my time. :)

Totally new experience

First day at work together with Ell. Jakun tengok punch card. :P
Working as a promoter sure killing me. 9 hours standing! My legs!

*****

Back at home also being shocked by a new thing I didn't expect when I felt that tired.
And so, my privacy is officially invaded. *sigh*
God knows how interrupted I felt.

My top chart

Referring to the mood no. 3, these are the top three songs that I have been repeated for days like seriously! :)

1. Six Degrees Of Separation - The Script
2. Don't Let Me Go - The Click Five
3. To Be Loved - Train

*****

And for that, here's the lyric of the entire song of the winner in my top chart. :)

You've read the books,
You've watched the shows,
What's the best way no one knows, yeah,
Meditate, get hypnotized.
Anything to take from your mind.
But it won't go, ohhhh ohhh
You're doing all these things out of desperation,
Ohhh ohhh,
You're going through six degrees of separation.

You hit the drink, you take a toke
Watch the past go up in smoke, yeah
Fake a smile, yeah, lie and say that,
You're better now than ever, and your life's okay
When it's not. No.
You're doing all these things out of desperation,
Ohhh ohhh,
You're going through six degrees of separation.

First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit you may have fucked up a little

(Oh no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself)
(No no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself)

You tell your friends, yeah, strangers too,
Anyone who'll throw an arm around you, yeah
Tarot cards
Gems and stones,
Believing all that shit is gonna heal your soul.
Well it's not, no, wohhhh

You're only doing things out of desperation,
Ohhh no,
You're goin' through six degrees of separation.

First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit you may have fucked up a little

No there's no starting over,
Without finding closure, you'd take them back,
No hesitation,
That's when you know you've reached the sixth degree of separation

Oh, no there's no starting over,
Without finding closure, you'd take them back,
No hesitation,
That's when you know you've reached the sixth degree of separation

First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit you may have fucked up a little

No, no, there ain't no help
It's every man for himself
You're goin' through six degrees of separation

No, no, there ain't no help
It's every man for himself
You're goin' through six degrees of separation

[x3: fading]
No, no, there ain't no help
It's every man for himself

No pain no gain

Done facial treatment at TS with Ell. Just both of us.

It was painful and fun at the same time. My after-treatment look was terrible. My face covered with red spots and painful acne at few parts. What I reluctant the most was the money I spent to pay for the session and the additional money I paid for the product. I really hope it works and turn my face to be better. Please! :'( But I believe in no pain, no gain (whether it's physically or financially).

Not that arduous

Less than 24 hours, I've found the solutions to most of my problems, alhamdulillah. :)

About my financial problem, guess what? I've found a job! Hehe. Yeah, the wages is not that good like I expected, but it's better than laying back at home and complaining about having no money right? If He wills, I can start on Friday. ...but the lil problem is I'm afraid the schedule will clash with my driving lesson. What more Chinese New Year is coming and I'll have to work full time. *worried face* The best thing to work there is I have my colleagues there, ex-schoolmates, 3 of them! :)

The computer test, insya-Allah I'll be taking it on Thursday. I hope I'm ready for it, and I really hope that I can fully utilize these busy days (today and tomorrow) to finish my study. *apprehensive look* Whatever it is, I have to finish the KPP book! I've faced SPM, how bad can it be, right? *reassure*

About the facial, I don't want to think much, I just think of myself, I can't handle to burden my mind with thoughts. So, I decided to go there with Ell tomorrow, before we start working this Friday, and before I take the computer test. I can't handle to have too much commitment in a time. So, that's it. The ball's in my court and the decision has been made! Kira macam janji lepas diri dah la. Okiedokie?

About the TV shows, perhaps I'll just let it be and only will worry about 2D1N, that's enough. If I missed the show because of work, I'll watch the replay. The other shows, if and only if I have time, I'll catch up back. The privacy invading? Just let it be la, if she's ready, she'll move in. If not, I will just appreciate the final moments alone in my small world, the only place alone. Right? I just have to take everything easy, kut? *shrugged*

I'm bad in coping with stress

I dreamed to have a really good and relax holiday, but again, I'm just a dreamer (won't forget this fact again). Just so you know, I'm really bad in handing stress. I'll be stressed out when there's a lot of matters to solve and I need to think about it. It's that bad that even when I'm thinking of good things, I'll feel burdened because adding one more thing to think of. Yeah, that bad! But on the outside, I try to be realistic not to get mad at everybody yet I still feel indignant. Inside's larva, outside's just a moody-stressed face (not obvious). What's obvious is I keep myself silent cause I don't want to burst!

Promise. Even in the The Amazing Spiderman Miss Ritter said, "Peter, don't make promises you can't keep." The lesson learnt? I wouldn't hold on to others promises ever again and me myself won't make a promise when I have other commitment. Seriously, it'll only trouble the others. Don't test my patience, girl! Now, because of that stupid promise, my deposit money are in the bet. Don't ya think that I'm busy too?

Computer test. And like I said, I should now be studying in stead of doing other things like I'm doin' now. But heck! I'm depressed right now! Can't ya see? My ayah have been pushing me to study that KPP book while I'm on TV. C'mon, it was Sunday and he even pushed me on the night when I went to the kursus! C'mon! Gimmie a break! There's a lot of other things to consider before I start.

Privacy invading. As well as my ayah's been pushing me to study, my mak's also has been pushing me every single day (since last two months) to make my lil sis sleep with me, in my bedroom. Of course somehow I feel reluctant. It has been my own kingdom (the bedroom) for about eight years plus! Don't ya think I'm taken aback? Duh, they feel discomfort, neither do I. The wall of privacy that stand tall for eight years will collapse in any time? What do you expect me to feel? You said, "Don't feel that way." But, can feelings be compelled? No!

Abandoned TV shows. I've been busy and stressed out till I missed many episodes of THC and Mamma Mia. Okay, I admit, Mamma Mia's been a bit boring these days but I don't wanna miss any lil things about HGH-Jimin or HGH alone, right? The changes they made about the running air time is sure sucks! I didn't manage to catch up. Lost count on how many episodes did I missed. And, THC, so bad that I didn't watch it for weeks. Saturday's busy and no time to catch up. Can't believe I take for granted of HGH whereas he's my interest. Sorry. Luckily, my most fav Korean TV show, 2D1N (that I like long before I know HGH) is still on track. Didn't missed any yet. ...and hope will not. Ah, when the day passed, the more episodes I need to catch up, it's killing me silently!

And for these (still, I didn't mention all), I feel like I'm on my own. No body supports me, not friends (some didn't realize how bad they trouble my life, some think it's my fault), no families (if I vent on, they'll say that I'm selfish, sue me!). Then what else that I have? Facebook? Heck, I'm a grown up, I realize how stupid it is to pick a fight on a social network. That's a huge humiliation and degrading myself. At least, I have to preserve the good thoughts they have about me. Then, what's left is you (my dear public 'diary' with no readers). This is to make sure I won't turn insane while facing those jam-packed unsolved problems in my brain!

You're just there

I thought the moon disappears in the darkness of the night
But then the feathery fluffy clouds passed by
Reincarnate the glittering moonlight in the velvet sky
...out of the blue

*****

I finally realize a mistake that I've been doing in my life. I always misunderstood that when someone enters my life they're meant to be somebody. Well, that's a huge mistake man! There are ones that come and stay just the way they are and be just the same as they were when they stepped in our life. And nothing's gonna change that fact and their status. Pretty much understandable right?

There are times they emerge in the pages of the book, there're times they won't. Perhaps it's just a slip for assuming that they're part of the main character. Just so you know (talking in front of the mirror), you are the lead role, and you're not fully the writer, it's Him who's writing the storyline. So, I'm gonna just play my part as good as possible.

Besides, I should be grateful when I realize I have variety of characters in my life that add the spices to my life and turn the white pages into colourful graffiti. Beautiful, I could say. I should really be so thankful that I have someone to rely on, someone to vent on, someone to laugh with, someone to lose my mind with, someone to bicker, someone who cares (as elders), and they have their part each to play to enliven my life. They're special in their way. So then I can stop treating and assuming them to be the 'special someone'. I should say don't assume, just wait.

Spencer Hastings; "Well you know what they say about hope. It bleeds eternal misery."

When you ask what's up?

...but now there's nothing left to do

but waste my time

I never knew where to move on

I never knew what to rely on

Lyrics: Copeman - Should You Return

Credit: Syud

*****

Since it was a bit haywire and topsy turvy as I was stranded feeling bored this super duper long holiday, I spent my time (last two days) at Dil's house. The original plan was to go outing somewhere with other groups of friends. But, y'know right? My financial problem recently? I'm a lil stressed out about that.

But, suddenly two third of us told that they couldn't make it, and we changed our plan to just hanging out at Dil's place. I was kinda like doing a hula-hoop dance that time. Happiness plus saving money! Oh yeah! And so, we (me, Hanis, and Dil) just hanged out, chatting like crazy, watching movies (So Undercover and Battle Royale), and makan maggi depan tv. Great isn't it? We hanged out till late evening.

Now, *a look with a good news* my ayah have registered my name in the driving lesson a day after my birthday. So, I've attended the Kursus KPP for five hours plus before taking the computer test. And so, at least I have something to do (which is studying the KPP book) rather than drowning in my absurd self-thought, right? Aja aja fighting! :)

Just because

Because the future is foggy
And the present is vague
The only thing that can linger in mind
...is the past


Recently doing nothing, school session has already started. Me? Kinda sit back and doing nothing. *sigh* Can't help but to often recalling the past. Thinking how stupid I was back then, how sorry am I to the ones that I hurt (maybe, maybe not) but then I act like it never happened, and how I wish I can fix few things to make things to fall back into places. But the last regret is ain't too much as I believe, everything that happens, happened for a reason.

Reason for me for being reluctant, I guess?

First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What’s gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you’re gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else 
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little

*****

Lyrics from: Six Degrees of Separation by The Script

Credit to: Syud (for introducing me this song) :B

It's a new start

"The past matters. But only as a reference point untuk tengok sejauh mana kita dah berubah. The past is nothing but a force to drive you forward. Do not let your past dictates you." -Kak Jiji, Anthem

p/s: Selamat Tahun Baru 2014! :)