Seventeen days

Here it goes. Seventeen bittersweet days and I'm done with PC. Like Tasy said, "Semuanya mesti ada hikmah." True much. If I didn't transfer to ladies dept, I won't get culture shock till I learn more about peeps' attitude, that I need to aware more of what I'm gonna say. Then, the highlight of all, I won't get any chance to speak with him at all if I didn't work there. So, thanks PC for all the things that I've been through these 17 days.

*****
Full shift on this 'last day'. With an epic encounter. Suh-weet! :)

The Seven Year Hitch

"Kev, why put yourself through all these?"

"Cause you're worth it. And... I think I'm falling in love with you."

*****

Have you ever watched this television movie? If not, you should watch it. Highly recommended. Super sweet this movie. About friendship and love. And that guy who plays Kevin (Darin Brook) is super cute. :)

To watch this movie, come click here.

Lost and gain

He took Genji away from us. From my family. He was a cute baby kitten. He died right in front of my eyes. And I buried him with my mother. We made a small grave to him at that corner of our housing area. Rest in peace as you have suffered these two days. Gonna miss you, dear. Won't forget that you always slept on me. 17 Jan 14 - 25 Feb 14.

*****
Oh ya, me, Ell, Nik, Dil, and Cuna went to school for counselling session about UPU. Then me and Ell did our things to settle at few banks, and we ended up getting nothing solved and we lunched at KFC, haha. And today, I finally met Afiq! Alhamdulillah. Was feeling choked up meeting him after all this time. Yes, he DID looked for me few times before. And good to know that we'll be in touch later on. Like I said, he really appears every time I'm down. Soon, I got a good news that I'll have a new place to start on March soon. Though a bit remote, and in ladies, I won't be picky anymore. Promise!

Not even close

Since the day I figured out my feelings towards you, I'm never better off without you.

*****
"I felt a stab of pain in my chest. I thought it was a chest congestion. But somehow as soon as I saw you, the pain in my chest vanished." - My Name Is Khan

Though it was only a split of sec, seeing you smile, I thought, that would do. :)

*****
I'm a bit crestfallen cause the mister that was trying to help me to find a job as soon as I resign in PC, didn't help much but caused even more trouble. He makes others (especially the superiors) dislike me even more. It's enough that I've been reported due to discipline problems by others who might be spiteful to me. I hate it when I'm being hated for the things I didn't do. And now, I must seem annoying having 'someone big' admitted to be my relative and try to find a job for me. Hello, I can do this on my own, mister. You are making things even more complicated. And I don't know what else to say rather than hoping that this issue won't reach his knowledge. Enough of humiliating tragedies I have had.

Two years without rain

A day without you is like a year without rain. -Selena Gomez

Make it two then.

*****
"People won't get lucky all the time. My luck has just ended I guess."

Gents dept rejected me. The only vacancies are shoes in gents, for only 17 days, and one at ladies located in front of the escalator. God, I hate that location! Where should I go? What should I do? Allah, give me a hint.

Only one

It was one step closer but then I took two steps backwards.
That strange fate brought us closer but I turned it down.

*****
It was super strange and jaw-dropping to hear that the mister who offered me that job, was really really kinda beg me to accept that offer, and I was kinda almost said yes seeing his intensity but I was overawed when he told me that vacancy is for a clerk! He said he used to have two clerks but one of them resign when she get married. This means, the other one is YOU-KNOW-WHO! And I'll be the second clerk? I was gasping for air for a moment.

Soon after that encounter, I got to know that there are few bad gossips about me. It was just a few misunderstandings that can make others have a bad view about me. God knows how haywired I was. Luckily it ended with me solving that misunderstanding with the person directly, and that mister can't give me the job cause I am underage. I blew out a relieved whistle.

First, I don't think I can work under him. Second, I'm quite aware about bad mouths that might talk about me that me, who is no body suddenly jadi mandat besar. And, after that misunderstanding is settled, my only choice is to get back up which was my first choice after all. So, maybe this is it. :)

And for THAT, I believe, if fate could bring us that close, it could do it again some other time, right? It's not a once in a lifetime chance right? Insya-Allah kheir. :)

I don't love you

...like I did yesterday.
Cause I'm falling deeper
...and the feelings are growing stronger.

Fate is weird, isn't it?

Okay, fate's really weird in many ways today. First of all, clap your hands first! Good news! I've got my first salary. What more it's cash! Haha. It's January's pay. Though it was late a bit, I'm happy! Gila tak happy merasa duit titik peluh sendiri. Sayang oh nak guna duit tu!

Then! Okay, I get excited about this. Hee! As soon as I walked down the stairs after I punch my card, I straight away walked tu musholla after telling Tasy about my salary, hehe. Okay, cut that. I entered the musholla, I saw that shoes, and I smiled a bit. Without wasting any time cause I was running late, I changed into slippers and walked down the stairs to the toilet. Exactly when I push the door, jeng jeng jeng! Him! I bumped into him. He was about to get in and I was about to get out. What a timing! That two-three seconds when our eyes met, subhanallah. Indescribable feelings. He quickly avoid my eyes. His face, covered in wudhu, subhanallah, the most handsome look ever. Sungguh la, wajah yang handsome dan cantik ialah wajah yang dibasahi wudhu.

And Ell said it looked sweet when she entered the musholla, and saw there's only our shoes in there, and we're performing solat Asar. Beautiful, isn't it?

Then, not long after Ell went back home, Tasy told me that Afiq was there again! Looking for me maybe. When I wasn't in yet. What a wrong timing la weh. Ni dah kali ke tiga kut kau datang masa aku takde. Serius rasa ralat and terkilan weh. Apa boleh buat? Takde rezeki nak jumpa kau lagi. :(

Now it comes to the highlight! I suddenly get a job offer in the warehouse! Don't you see? I never expect it! Why me? Why all of sudden? The thing is, how is it possible? Again. Fate! I was speechless. All of my friends gave a positive feedback asking me to take that offer. I. Was. Speechless. But, I am in a huge dilemma. It happened when I almost get a job at the gents, again. The pros, it's gents dude! The cons, most members are going to quit as I start. Okay. Warehouse. Pros, good salary, off day on Sunday and get paid!, and can off on public holiday. Cons (is it really cons?), kamon! Who's at the warehouse? Him! How can I work there then? I'll face huge time physiological imbalance. Taking that offer means doubled my heart job! Another cons, away from my friends, and I think office work might be boring.

And I need to give an answer to Orlando's (gents) supervisor as soon as possible as well as to the warehouse offer too. Which one should I choose? Sometimes I wonder, is this the way He answered my prayer to get our heart closer? Is it? Wallahu alam.

After all this time

Cause after all this time
I'm still into you

I should be all over the butterflies
But I'm into you

*****
Saya suka sangat tengok your spiky hair basah sebab ambil wuduk.
And I got that chance to see it again, today.
On Asar prayer. As always.
Beautiful. Subhanallah. :')

It is beacuse

...I respect you!

*****
Have introduced to Dil. Though her response is not what I expected, I was relieved cause I owe her nothing now. ...and I do still have Ell who understands better cause she's there all the time going through everything with me. :)

Oh ya, I just get to know that The Vampire Diaries Season 4 has just started at 8TV. Was a bit upset cause no one told me. Luckily it was the second episode. Will manage to catch up the previous episode. Ah! Falling-in-love-with-Damon mood is on! Hehe. :)

*****
Dreams with eyes open. [Fantasy version] #3

"Do you realize that you have committed a crime?"

"The heck?"

"Awak curi hati saya."

"Sue me."

"Boleh je kalau saya nak kejar awak ambil balik hati saya sebab awak jalan slow je pun. Tapi..."

"Tapi apa?"

"Tapi takpe la. Awak simpan aje la."

Intoxificated

I'm excited about everything today. Today really shows me that fate is beautiful, and He is the best planner of all, indeed. First of all, for the first and the last time I work for PC, I get a full schedule today. Ell did a full schedule too because of me. And I thank her for that cause she's able to be with me going through all the great things today. :)

The first exciting thing was, for the first time in my life, he spoke with me! Kamon! Kamon! It was all because of Ain's stocks that should be returned and he was in charged for that. He asked me about Ain. I didn't expect his presence that fast, so I didn't catch up all the things being said, but it was something like, "Mana promoter Tuff?" He was kinda hesitated a bit. When I replied, "Oh dia masuk pukul 1." which was about half an hour more, he kinda restless worried about that stock maybe until I brought out that return stock book from Tuff's counter drawer. But then he said, "Tapi siapa nak tolong uruskan?" asking me indirectly to do it la kan? So he neared me and I handed the book. We were gaped only by the offer bin and tell you what, he smelled really good!

He flicked the book pages by pages while confirming the total amount of box was seven with Troli, Ell's eye-candy. Suddenly, Troli spoke (which was the first time with me too), "Eh, ni bukan GMV kan?" twice with a joking tone referring to the brand I worked for before. I was quite shocked, first, because he spoke with me, jokingly what more. Sec, he knows where I worked at before? And Spike just chuckled a bit and I laugh while replied, "Tak la."

When he finished checking only-he-knows-what in that book, he handed it to me and said, "Nah, pergi bawak turun bawah." I was like, "Bawah mana?" and he was like, "Bawah la. Tahu tak?" referring to the warehouse. Yes I know where the warehouse is but I don't know how to get there, faham tak? Until they finished lifting the boxes to the trolley, I was still kinda blur. Dah la tiba-tiba boleh pulak kotak tu jatuh and I was like, "Haa. Haa." Then I asked them, "Nak turun ikut mana ni?" He replied while Troli remain silent, "Dekat tempat ayam, tahu tak?" I nodded laju-laju sebab he already asked "Tahu tak?" for I-don't-know-how-many-times-already.

So, at last, with the help of two nepabas, the cute Abang Sayur, and Encik Shahrul, I did that favour excellently! :) And I went back upstairs with huge grin plastered on my face, ice-cold hands and Ell to share my excitement with. I said fate is beautiful because this happened on the only day I get a full schedule, Ain wasn't in yet, and Ell's order asking me to stand at my own counter since I told her that I get to know from Miss Ong that the lorry was about to arrive. Hey, you really get me into angau intoxificated state, really! :) The amazing thing is, I dreamed about doing this return stock yesterday! It was like a dream comes true. Cause to me, if Ain was there, I was just there to watch is good enough already. But I'm lucky I guess. Heh!

Next, me and Ell rest for the second time at five o' clock. We ate and then we're going to perform Asar's prayer. Ell was off but she just followed me to the toilet because she wanna wash her hands. And guess what? Exactly before we entered the ladies, someone walked out of the gents. Guess who? ADF!! Ell just spoke about him few minutes before that! What a fate man? And the funny thing is, it was in front of the toilet! We chatted a while before ADF headed home. Again, fate is beautiful because boleh je kalau dia nak pergi tandas dekat rumah dia? Boleh je masa kita orang dah masuk tandas baru dia keluar? Right?

Besides, it was countless today how many times Spike and Troli passed by. Too many! But, it'll be superbly perfect if Afiq was there too. Missed him, though. I just kirim salam dekat dia melalui Ell to ADF je. That would do I think. :) Because whatever it is, I love it today. Best day ever!

*****
p/s: Takdir itu indah. 17 Feb 14 was a really amazingly speechless beautiful fate day.

Funny misunderstanding!

Today I get to know that a misunderstanding could be so funny!
Might be embarrassing to those who involved.
But it shows the true colour of them when handling those kind of situation.

*****
"Gentle kalau nak datang mintak sendiri."

Serius poyo. Are you that phobia to girls? Hahahahahahaha.

Hello stranger!

"Tumhara hoon mein aur tum meri."

*****

I suddenly realize that you are a total stranger.
I know almost nothing about you except for your name.
And you are someone who have been hurt.
Come to think of it, every relationship starts with get to know a stranger, right?

A lot means a lot

You're sweet, simple,
cool, stylo, religious,
...yet quiet and shy a bit.

Dunno you much,
...but I like you,
like a lot!

Day by day
...it grows stronger
that seeing you
in an instant and far
...is a growing pain in the heart

*****
"I never ever thought that I'll like you this much. 
And I never planned to have you in my mind this often."

Very well said

I stumbled upon this when I was scrolling my news feed on my timeline.

YA RABBI, jika cintaku Kau ciptakan untuk dia...

Tabahkan hatinya,
Teguhkan imannya,
Sucikan cintanya,
Lembutkan rindunya.

YA RABBI, jika hatiku kau ciptakan untuk dia...

Penuhi hatinya dengan kasih-Mu,
Terangi langkahnya dengan nur-Mu,
Bisikkan kedamaian dalam kegelapan,
Temani dia dalam sunyi sebuah penantian.

YA RABBI, ku titipkan cintaku pada-Mu untuknya...

Sampaikan rinduku pada rindunya,
Bimbinglah cintaku dan cintanya,
Satukan hidupku dan hidupnya dalam cinta-Mu,
Kami ingin syurga-Mu dengan kasih sayang.

Sungguh pun aku mencintai dirinya kerana-Mu, Ya Allah.

*****
Dreams with eyes open. [Fantasy version] #2

"Tahu tak? Sekarang ni saya dah jadi heartless."

"Kenapa pulak?"

"Sebab awak dah curi hati saya."

Everything feels so wrong

A new fresh start at ladies dept. Don't feel belonged here at all. Feeling totally like a zombie. Missing gents like crazy. My own small world is up there. Not down here.

With the new working shift that drew me apart from my heartthrob. I can feel the distance grew bigger that watching only three times fleeting from a distance makes my heart groan. Three times, but from afar. It feels insufficient to think that I've spent a day yesterday without seeing even'is shadow. Plus Ain's story that makes me green with envy. Fate are drawing us apart. I can feel that.

How am I gonna cope when we really split up?
The chance to meet again is totally up to Him?
Though I pray that fate will reunite us again.
Though I have my faith in Him.
Cause after all He's the best planner of all.

Memang tipu kalau cakap, "Jumpa sekali pun jadi la." atau, "Sekejap je pun dah cukup." Cause meeting you is never enough. What more the chances are getting slim. And my place is no longer strategic. New shift are just like shit! I kinda regret, I should've take the position at Edwin's, even the place's a lil bit backward, and the pay is lower. The good things are it's in gents dept, near the toilet is good too as people shuttle to toilet as well, right? And people going up and down the escalator could be seen as well. And! The working hours are either 8 or 12 hours. What could be better, isn't it?

And while I was drown in my thought about all that, I went to perform my maghrib prayer. I took about 20 minutes as I moved so slow with heavy mind and steps. As I return, I went upstairs to fill the 'solat book' and was shocked when Kak Mary told me, "Tadi itu ustaz cari awak." And it was about 20 minutes before. Afiq was looking for me? And I wasn't there? Again? I ran downstairs quickly asking as many people as possible if anybody has seen him. But everybody was clueless. I missed, again. For the second time.

The fact that makes me so touched is that why he always appear when I feel really down? Do you feel like I in need? Thank you friend, cause keeping your promise to come back again to see me. Though I really aggrieved that I wasn't there. Please, come back again. I'll wait.

But it's empty

It's my 'off day' before I started in the new dept tomorrow, the ladies dept. The bad things are, it's no longer the strategic place (missing gents dept), lesser work time (mostly the last four hours), and lesser work time (with wrong timing)! I hate that fact the most. I really don't care the good fact that my pay has been risen (which I don't really care at all). I just wanna be there, as long as I can in everyday.

I started to feel that our distance are growing bigger, separation is nearing. It feels that bad, I can't imagine how am I gonna face the real separation. It's like my situation now is teaching me slowly to get used to the absence, and yes, that's a truly sad fact. My heart's kneaded. I feel more comfy in silence (perhaps this's a grown up's way to handle absence).

Today's my third driving lesson. Then, I straight away went out with Nik, Dil, Cuna, and Nis. We went to TS just grabbing some foods and updating. Nik's getting married. We chats quite long. I told them 'bout my friends there, my bestie. Then we headed home. But I planned with Dil to go out again in the evening to my work place to buy the shirt that I aimed for a long time ago. Well, that's just the excuse cause I can go there with or without Dil, but I feel like I need to vent on her about my current situation since she's the one I've been talking about serious matters, it's always her. I spilled everything on her while we're on our way while Cuna and Nis are walking far behind us.

We stayed quite long after I bought that shirt, after Cuna and Nis headed back. We hanged at Ain's place waiting for'im to pass by to 'introduce' to Dil. But he didn't show up. And I just thought perhaps it's not Dil's chance to meet'im. Another sad fact is that Ain's busy with her return stock since yesterday (she got'is help and explanation) and she gonna continue it tomorrow which a 2/5 chances that I'll be there tomorrow and 3/5 chances that I won't be there YET cause I work for THE LAST FOUR HOURS, remember? *read in a sarcastic tone*

Allah, what's the best for me
...just be it.
May he's the best thing for me.

Since a day passed without'im laying over my eyesight.
...and I feel choked up and pathetic.
...and it's empty.

p/s: Others might like off-day but sincerely, I don't. I even prefer working full day. See?

Goodbye meets hello

Exactly a month 
since I started working.
since I know 'im.

...and today's the last day I'm in the gents dept. :'(
Gonna miss all the memories.
Gonna miss all my floor buddies.
Gonna miss all the fun we've gone through.

And mostly gonna miss that strategic place very much. Near the office, near the toilet.

Simply said, thank you all for the amazing experiences throughout this wonderful month.

The reason why

I fall for you...
I ignore your lacks...
I cling on you...

...and dream to be your ma'amum
...and hope that you're not just a phase

*****
"Cause my legs tremble whenever I see you."

Just as long as it's you and I

"Yang tadi tu kira menempah maut ke menempah tiket ke hati awak?"

*****
It's countless how many times I've terkantoi tenung anak orang macam tu. Haila. You've noticed, kan? Kan? Kan? Whatever la. Oh ye, I just get to know that you smoke that cancer stick ey? The perceptions I have towards 'ya all this time still are still static. I always look up to you, and it never falls down. ...though I'm a lil bit taken aback and disappointed. Just a lil. It's still there. Just as long as it's you and I. :) But...

"Bantulah aku untuk betulkan perasaanku ini niat kerana-Mu, ya Allah."

Oh ye, semalam W.M and Tasy cakap Afiq datang when I was already went back home. They said perhaps he was looking for me sebab dia naik atas sekejap je lepas tu turun balik. Were you? Hais. Dramanya la kau ni. Dah la aku rindu dekat kau ni. Saja je kau buat aku gini kan? Sampai hati kau. Majuk ahh! Actually, I was a lil bit aggrieved about that. :(

Two in one

"You are so what I'm after."

*****

I'm feeling distracted

And likewise attracted

That feelings goes deeper day by day along with respect and adore. :)

At the same time, I'm missing my floor bestie, Afiq. It feels different without him. A day passed boringly, with no one to chat with, no one to bicker with. :(

And I know I'll never let you go

I could watch the world pass by

Just as long as it's you and I, you and I

...and this feelings' combination, I'll call it... syahdu. Suits both.

*****

Lyrics credit: You And I - Secondhand Serenade

I really think I do

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you

*****

I don't know but I think I maybe
Fallin' for you dropping so quickly
Maybe I should keep this to myself
Waiting 'til I know you better

Oh, I just can't take it
My heart is racing
Emotions keep spinning out

I've been spending all my time
Just thinking about you
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you

*****

Dihuni rasa rindu
Hanya ku yang mencari
Rembulan masih ada
Mungkin seketika
Walau ku bahagia mengejar bayanganmu
Tak mungkin ku beroleh saat indah bersamamu
Hanya aku

*****
Lyrics credits:
When You're Gone - Avril Lavigne
Fallin' For You - Colbie Caillat
Hanya Aku - Hyper Act

p/s: Got carried away dengan lagu-lagu dekat tempat kerja ni. :)

I never wanna say goodbye

"Never say goodbye. Always say, we are traveling the love lane, down the road we'll meet again." - Rab Ne Bana De Jodi

*****

Friendship love. In this new phase of life, I'm glad that for the first time...

I've experienced a true meaning of friendship, 

in a really short time with an opposite sex,

without messing with mushy feelings, at all! :)

But, never thought that it'll be this short time. Insya-Allah, we'll meet again.

Though you say me might not.

Though our friendship are mistaken assumed.

Though we didn't have a proper farewell earlier. :'(

Nothing feels this complete

Nothing could compare how glad I am that you finally understand why Ell. It wasn't that hard to get the whole scoop, right? And for that I wanna thank you. "Thanks for catching all the things I've thrown to you these years." - Joe Kingman. ...and all these while when there's just you and me sailing through this new phase of life. :)

Besides, how can I not be happy when I've spent a day (yesterday), feeling incomplete and today tak pernah pernah terserempak gini tetiba boleh jadi. So sweet smile and wanginya mak oii. I was paralyzed. :)

What more, for the first time, for almost a month I'm there... Acot! You smiled! At me!! Gila! Lemah lutut ni rasa, tahu! Hati dah kembang setaman. Bunga-bunga. Bahagianya rasa. Ell pun cakap macam tu. I'm like that, ey? Allah. Gila tak happy? For the first time. Someone yang rarely smile, tak pandang orang. Hello! Somebody please wake me up please!

It's always on Asar prayer. :) It's cute and quite diff today that with that barriers that separate male and female section, I can tell it's you. When I peek, God! You're so cute. Siap nyanyi nyanyi bagai. Happy ke? Me as well. Since the first time, seeing you alone, I respect you. Today, waiting for you to return (you really take time, huh), has risen the respect that I already have towards you. With face covered in wudhu, sungguh meruntun jiwa. Has increased everything. Respect, your look, and my feelings. Day by day. You never fail me. :)

And of course 'si ustaz' yang tak habis-habis nak menyakitkan hati. In a funny way actually. Tahu la esok last day. Ell pun. Fine! Semua pakat nak left me kan? This is a really indescribable unique friendship, bak kata Ell. Hmm, ayat ustaz tadi, "Aku cintakan kau kerana agama kau." Poyo je mamat ni. Tapi sekali bercerita, keluar jugak benda-benda ilmiah walaupun kadang-kadang tersasar jiwang. :)

Oh, I love it here! :) Really do.

Rumour has it

"When your heart is set on someone, nothing else matters."

*****
Is it true? The thing I saw? You were married?
Huge lie if I said I wasn't taken aback.
In the inside I hope it's just a misconception.
But, what's the power that

...I don't care and I accept you just the way you are.
...you'll be just enough.

Nothing else matters

Dear Ell,

I want you to know, it doesn't matter. Once the sincerity knocks my door, nothing could beat that. All the features' qualifications set before were nothing but guidelines that can be overruled. You know it's right when you ignore the facts of their lacks. Just so you know, if you're wondering why I become like this, why do I trembling this bad. :)

It'll just seem perfect. Just enough. And you'd want nothing more.