I've chose to enter, then stay

It was what I happened to think. Chose then stay. Be fixed. But, it only when I realize that I could've choose something much more better than the one before. So, I've made up my mind, set it up again, instead of choosing one side, why not I choose to be in the middle? Safe path ever. Fair enough (suddenly rasa bangga have made the best resolution for the first time).

Actually been thinking 'bout that about few days ago, infact have done it (on my way literally), I think I've made it! Only He knows how happy am I doing something 'sinless'. Haha! Though it's still in fitting the situation, I'm half-succeed! It's not that difficult, just rid out the 'selfishness' part in me, and it'll be okay. Thanks to Him for this guide. I live my life load-less back then, till now, ever since. Alhamdulillah. :)

p/s: Flied by this week with a bad sore throat, bad cough, and slight dizzy but alhamdulillah other things still run smoothly as usual, infact I've stayed for more than 11 hours in school today. :)

Get it wrong or being told the false?

Maybe Friday will still be the my-best-day in every week for now

p/s: I've finished reading Nasz's Sweet Sour last night. Tell you what? It's amazing! I love every single part in it. Sakit dada baca, letih jiwa. Gempak sangat! (Feel a bit left behind sebab baru baca, tapi takpe, kan? Best gila! Seriously!) Joe Jambul ♥

One day is just enough

One day is just enough for me to let everything off. But, it's only on that day. 'Cause I know it'll be repeated again and again under conscious. Yah! Under. Conscious. *sarcastic smile* On that 'one day', I'll avoid 'it' the whole day or else I'll be an exploding volcano (serius sebelum ni tak pernah lagi). Then, the next day, I'll be back to square one. Act normal. Though the wound's still there. Tapi, rasa nak marah or hating tuh memang takde dah. Tapi tulah, when it's about to heal, ada je benda suddenly came up, buat parut tu kena toreh banyak-banyak kali. Dugaan sungguh! (Amekaw! I'm a bit too frank today, no more kias-kias. Puas sikit rasanya).

Why in the world lah I'm so nice? Eheh! (Pekej puji diri sendiri ke apa?) Haru betul! Hmm. But as Winston Churchill said "The best way to enlighten someone who does not want to admit his or her mistake was to let". Insya-Allah. Realize it soon, please. Ameen. (Phuuh.. phuhh.. tiup jampi serapah ni, harap sampailah, ye?) *muka senyum dalam sedih* (macam dukalara sangat pulak hidup ni). Whatever it is, patience level always kena upkan, kan? In my case, it's a must! So, cheese.... Smile! :)

p/s: Currently reading my Sweet Sour by Nasz. I can sense it's a sweet story though I've been only reading it till page 90. Haha! This whole week is super duper hectic! Study? Forget you not. Haha!

That's all could be achieved

Congrats to my abang for his SPM's result three days ago. Didn't have much time to blog 'bout this. Hehe. Although this is not what you want, this is what you've got, right? After all, you've tried your best, and just handed it over to Allah after everything settled, kan? Like mak said, "Pokok dah tanam, dah baja, dah siram, tinggal tunggu hasil je." kan? And, that's it. Rezeki sampai situ je. Syukur. Syukran alallah. :)

I'll pray for the best for you, the world is still wide. Something's waiting for you out there. Go for it, good luck. Achieve your goal. Ahaks! Furthermore, you've accepted the offer from that uni, kan? Well, good luck then Mr. Acc-to-be. Hehe. Salawati da'iman ma'aka. Don't worry. Insya-Allah. :)

Green with envy

It's not it. Yah, then what was it? I don't envy, it just that it's a feeling. I ain't a green eyed monster though. I'm just offended. Yeah, a good one to describe, umbrageous. Really do, really much. The trials come one by one, insistently, one after another, endlessly. After a matter subsided, another emerging. If this what gonna happen to me throughout this month, this year maybe? I just seek for Allah, to embrace my heart because I'm week, to aid me for I am hurt. *take a deep deep breath and blow*

Envy? Envy for something that I don't have and will not able to get? Envy for something that don't even a part of what I should have? Should I? No, I shouldn't and I pray so much that I won't. For what actually? It is silly much to hold on to nothing, right? Yeap, while the reality is 'working on it, working on it!'. Insya-Allah. Furthermore, I'm trying, kan? Instead of sit back and doing nothing watching what happens like watching an investigation of crime.

Insya-Allah, when we strive, we try, He'll pave the way. Ameen. :)

The choice is in my hand

The ignorer or the good listener with bad intention?

As humans, we tend to face a lot of choices throughout the life. And the choice sometimes seems unfair, but literally it is fair enough. We can't have everything in a time. That is greedy. My principle is those who greed will gain nothing at last. We'll rarely get the best choice that we want, but we have to choose for the better. World will not simply give us satisfaction in every single circumstance.

Hais. Chaos! Chaos! Luckily I'm apart from it. It is a great wreaked havoc today. A big controversy here related to the bahas in my school. Lesson learnt, alhamdulillah. But I know, what we give we get back, so serve everyone right! However, it's a pity towards few side. Be courageous yeap!

I'm on the pursuit of happiness, so proudly I'll say I choose the ignorer. Even if it's hard to suppress our feeling. Otherwise, I'll collapse. Of course I'll choose not to, kan? Moreover, never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted!

Overflowed schedule

Monday: Biology class

Tuesday: Free :)

Wednesday: Scout/Kelab Pencinta Alam

Thursday: Futsal

Friday: Solat zuhur berjemaah, Latihan Dalam Kumpulan, be on duty

Gonna get through all these again, starting for tomorrow. Friday will be the most tiring day ever in every week. Thank god the next day is Saturday. But, next month my schedule will be jam-packed I think. Will be out on every Saturday. And, the biggest event! Choral speaking contest. The practice will be running this whole month. Exhausting, isn't it?

Grr, actually there many things I wanna write about. But, now I'm totally blanked! Help me, ohh! Haiyee~ What's wrong with me? Um, I've finished reading my Ros Biru Untuk Dia by Ijazati Habib. A very nice story I can say. Touching. Playing with emotion a lot (at the last mostly). I've been reading it and finished it less than 24 hours. Amazing, kan? Huhu. 

Okay, enough for now (or else I will be madder). Wujud ke madder? Haha. Adios!

The issue we're talking about

Last night I watched a hindi movie, Kal Ho Naa Ho. And of course, it was tearing me up. Sounds cheesy, eh? Well, it's me, a movie lover. I was moved by the story actually. The sacrifice made was hardest thing ever to be made. Ignoring the self interest and pretending like nothing happen. Hiding and lying 'bout the truth. Hiding the reality. Only certain people could've done that. I admit, it's not me. I'm not that tough.

Instead of sacrificing, why not just pretend not to know? Getting ourselves into it just like jumping down into a fire hole. Hurting our own heart. I ain't that strong. Even the path I'm taking now which I feel it's the safest path hurt me as well. Told 'ya, I ain't that strong. Getting hurt so easily. *inhale then exhale*

Why in the world must I talk about this again? Spoilt the mood all the time. Haih..

Let's end it happily, I enjoyed the movie so much as it has touched my heart so deeply. Eheh! Corny much. ;)

The hardest attempt

We never thought what we haven't thought would happen

The toughest thing is to pretend nothing happens when the thing really happens. Whatever it is we must make an effort for at least to try, kan? It is worth a try. There's no such thing as 'as simple as ABC' anymore in this phase of my life right now. Huh. Believe me it's hard.

Well, life is a superb cast where I can't figure out the plot. Yeah, exciting and adventurous but sometimes hurt. :(

p/s: That awful moment when we need to force ourselves to deny and defy our natural instinct.

What a pleasure day

Oreo cheesecake ♥

After craving for it for some times, guess what? I have it for my tea today. Hehe. Well, I don't know how to make a picture looks beautiful, but I can guarantee the taste is so appetizing. Yum yum. :) Thanks to my sister for it. She treated me as she promised for it last year for my PMR's result. Kekeke.

My new collections ♥

Adding up my collections, and I'm happy for it. Of course, reading novels is one of my partiality. Well, going crazy for it. Anyway, today my rm50 flew away just like that. For the rm3.10 is my mum's treat. Hehe. But, for this, I don't care much to spend. It's my passion thereto. :) It completed my great day today.

p/s: Hopping for great things to happen along this school-day-off though there're piles of homework to be done, or getting undone. Hehe. Joking! ;)  

Judging all the way long

People can't stop being judgmental, including me. Sometimes I judge myself as a good person. And, the people whom the society judge them as 'gedik', I just agree with them. Of course, it's obvious man! But, an incident (about last month I think) made me realize that sometimes they are way better than us in certain things.

It was like this. I sat with my friends in the canteen during recess time. We ate our food and had a chat and laugh like usual. Suddenly, there were two girls (whom society judge them 'gedik') sat in front of us with their pinggan of nasi lemak. The issue was they recite the doa makan together before they start eating. It feels like a huge stone fell on my head while myself forgot to recite the doa makan! It happens twice, the same girl, same situation. How in the world someone 'good' like me sendirik lupa nak baca oii! And, I don't feel like I wanna simply judging people anymore.

The way people judge me? Yah, well. Kind-hearted, bla bla bla and bla bla bla (which I malas nak list down). And, well, part of it are true *duh face* Even my kindred judge me as a tough girl in stock *rolling eyeballs to the ceiling* The truth is I'm the way a bit craven *whispering* But that's the reality. I just act cool all the time whereas it doesn't. Last Thursday, I watched a movie titled The Itaewon Murder Case. A story which based on true story. Yah, just a typical murder story, but I feel too scared (okey tipu, bit scared). Dahlah the murderer is somewhere free outside uncaught. Eee, creepy. Before this I never scared to any murder-case-movie. The spooky one like The Ring, Chucky, Dark Water, The Wig and so on (feeling weird listing them down). Gulp!

Last but not least, I judge this person (a person that I won't mention). Hehe. For the sake of hiding something, I judge that person as so annoying. That person really acts so in fact. Yet, I get to know something behind that-person-acting-that-way. Now I know the reason, two days ago. And, now I feel quite guilty to that person (err, it's more than quite for actual). Now, my perception towards that person is completely changed. Turn over 360°. Really am sorry *guilty face* plus thanks! ;)

"Don't simply judge people when you're not walking in their path"

Better than revenge

I don't get it. Here I wanna say that I don't understand myself. Why in the world do I easily forgive? It happens all the time. Haih.. People says, we easily forgive because we still want them in our life, do I? Maybe yes, maybe no.

When we choose to forgive those who have hurt us, we take away their power. Saya pegang dengan kata-kata ini.

*Better than revenge by Taylor Swift is now playing* -specially dedicated to you.

(This is what I call forgiving in pain)

I just have had enough

Don't tell me anything, 'cause I don't wanna hear.

Don't show me that-whatever-expression, 'cause I don't wanna see.

Don't show-off 'cause I don't wanna care.
Don't do any of these as stated, 'CAUSE I DON'T WANNA HATE YOU.

Oh, so this is what you really want, right? I've tried so hard to make it stood still, to make it last, but want side effort might not be enough, kan? I admit that I've surrender *rising a white flag* 'cause I couldn't bare it for any longer. Human's patience has its limits too. And, it has reach mine. The stage where I need to stop everything. Let's end it here. Although it is unofficially (since I jenis yang tak sampai hati nak go straight forward), nobody will notice, but between us, it won't be the same anymore.

Like a piece of paper, once it's crumpled, it can't be perfect. Let this be a past. I would not like to mention it anymore or else it will hurt me jugak kan? So, past is past. But do always remember. Things end, but memory last forever.

p/s: I wish I have a stone heart so that I won't easily get hurt, easy forget, and 'feelingless'. 

It's a kaffarah, perhaps?

I ran out of reasons why my result (referring to my Additional Mathematics) be that bad? Was there something behind it? Something that affecting it? Until I reflect and examine the situation again, I found out that it was me who think too much about it till it affect my exam. Keep thinking that was that my fault for being hurt? Am I too much? I should be like that, shouldn't I? Who in the world can stay cool being betrayed? Being underestimated? Being brought down? Who? Anybody can tell me?

Or it was me who was too perasan, thinking I have what actually I don't even own? Wait, wait, wait! It has nothing to do with this. This is what you actually did to this situation, how you performed it. If this what people call learn from mistake, I swear, it's the hardest learning ever. Involving the feeling too much. Bukan mudah bermain dengan catur perasaan.

p/s: I've being punished just now for my result. A cane for teaching. I accept it with an open-hearted, twice. And, now I fell mush more relieve like part of my burden that I hold has flew away. Thanks to Him for this. Alhamdulillah rabbil alameen.

Never thought that I would

It was last Friday. Something that I don't ever expected has happened. It's a big lie if I say I'm okay at that time. It was my Additional Mathematics paper, I never thought that my result would be that bad. Though in the school system it's not counted as fail, I feel like I failed, like a failure. Am I over confident? I'm totally disappointed. Even I'm the worst among my friends whereas I'm among the good in class.


There were careless mistakes in the whole paper that makes me can't accept it. I'm not contented. I swear, all I feel that time was I really really can't accept it. It strayed beyond my target. Only He knows how I felt that time.


Until I spill every single thing out to Dila. Thanks to her, I felt much more relieved, better than ever. She remind me what I forgot. Everything comes from Him, kan? I shouldn't be complaining. What I did was not complaining, I just poured everything out, didn't I?


What I need to do now is build up my self esteem again as it has collapsed right after the result came out. And, who knows the other papers aren't that bad? But, I will not ever set any target or put any expectation anymore. It just gonna pull me down towards the beneath. "Better luck next time? How would I while this first attempt I performed that bad? Will I? I don't think so." And I would change that thought. Insya-Allah. Although that is what still I feel now.


All I need to do now is throw away everything that doesn't has connection, and start working out, concentrate and focus, and start believing in myself. Aja aja hwaiting!


p/s: Maybe He has set something better for me ahead. Who in the world knows, kan?

Look small things big

Certain things are not just even necessary to be seen as big things. Sometimes, it just a thing that is too minute to bother. But well, as me, I often see things big. It sounds the way too perasan. *slap forehead then geleng kepala* It end up at the nether all the time. I know it already, but I don't get it why it keep repeating just like I've press the loop button. Or, it's like I face the short term memory loss every time I face these same situation. Like never deterred.

I don't even have an effort to change it. It is in me, never escape. Not even once. It pulled me every single time I 'reach' the zenith. Literally, I feel like I've reach there. I wish I could change myself. It's never too late. Yah, I wish! *rolling my eyeballs* It never worked. It remains as a hope and a wish all the time, in whatever issue. Believe me, it's hard. :'(

A doubt, doubt no more

The doubt ain't a doubt anymore

This time I'm very sure, I know it, I get it. And I'm sorry. I just can't accept it. Haih.. It's very exhausting thinking 'bout it everyday. What such of burden to hold? Hmm..

p/s: The awkward moment when I realize that all my problems have something to do with you.

What a closing was that?

From the brighter side: Glad it's over.

From the dimmer side: I screwed my last paper.

I don't know how to react myself now. It was a total screw up. My Physics paper flawed. The very last paper gave the sad ending. It just a beginning. I hope it will be better, not worse next time. At the first you don't succeed, try, try again. It is you to choose whether to stop or try again. Insya-Allah. It's not perfection what we looking for, it's the strive for excellence.