It's a warp!

 

Oh ya. And now it's few hours to midnight which is new year! Haha. Honestly speaking, I have nothing much to miss this year tapi sah-sah menipu la kan kalau I said none! Jom try flasback balik what I've been through this year.

PRESIDEN OF PRS. Perhaps that's the biggest responsibility yang I hold rasanya. Frankly, I really love the experiences and memories dengan rakan-rakan sama batch yang sama-sama bersusah payah handle PRS ni, dari sekecit-kecit menda sampai la handle an event. Rasa... bangga yang beyond words kut? Here, I own a big family. Thank you guys. Semua yang involve either voluntarily or involuntarily. I've learnt so much. Thousands memories for me to carry along with me. From tak tahu apa-apa sampai la rasa jadi the head sampai la tutun takhta masa step down masa jamuan akhir tahun hari tu. Plus, memang ada pun rasa terkilan tak dapat nak did my best sehingga mampu dikenang like the past senior presidents.

SCOUT. My passion since form one, tapi this year baru merasa ada jawatan nak banding dengan years before where I was just a bystander yang tak siapa perasan pun wujud ke tak. Kira alhamdulillah la dapat berkhidmat and dihargai pada tahun-tahun terakhir gitu. And paling best, kem perdana tahun ni, Pengakap 41 menang okey! Best team. Sungguh bangga sebagai penolong ketua fasilitator ni okey! *kembang sat*

LIFE. Not to be denied I've learnt so much meaning of life through and through this year. Belajar nak bangun bila dah jatuh. Belajar nak terima hakikat tak nak buat perasaan berantai. Belajar plant the feet firm on the ground. Belajar mana nak letak prioriti dalam hidup ni. Sungguh orang kata prioriti berubah bila dah besar. Rasa macam I grew up into diff phase and dimension through out this year agaknya. Alhamdulillah sebab Allah nak bagi kesedaran jugak jugak about this matter. ...and now, siapa kata tak bahagia bila dalam hati kita ada kita je? Haha, faham kan? Dah lama tak kosong gini, sumpah bahagia.

FRIENDSHIP. I learnt the strength of a friendship. About not to expect high from others sedangkan diri sendiri pun tak mampu nak give all out. Belajar tolerate faham masing-masing bawah tanggungjawab orang. Belajar siapa to vent on and siapa tak. With whom to to this, with whom to do that. Lesson? Jangan too open. Cause so far, no one understands me like I want them to be, and I don't blame no one. To find a true sahabat yang boleh share without boundaries macam dalam novels tu... payah. And I live happily with all that I got and bersyukur seadanya.

STUDY. I think I like to study. Walaupun diri ni sungguh la a slow catcher, lambat pick up, tapi sekurang-kurangnya dah kenal kelemahan diri, pandai-pandai la nak adjust cara study to fit my own kemampuan kan? Tak gitu? Buang je sifat malas tu, kikis sikap nak depends on others so much tu, then I'll be fine. Kan? Please tell me yes! Haha.

PASSION. I like movies, tahap yang I don't care spending my cents to buy DVDs, I don't care spending hours to marathon. Then, I like songs, musics, yang macam-macam genre ada, more or less I like anything yang sedap pada pendengaran ni kut? And most of all (eh, tak jugak), I like novels walaupun this year langsung-langsung tak banyak masa nak spend reading. Cuti ni la kut baru. Ni pun otw nak khatamkan the very the last one (Malay novel) tahun ni jugak tapi gaya macam akan terdrag tahun depan jugak. Heh! Anthem on the go. And through all these, sungguh banyak benda yang I learnt literally. Indeed.

FANGIRLING. Tahun ni kinda minat dekat this one Korean gagman, HGH! Huhu. Tapi entah la, atas unseen and unknown factors, the feelings just fade away by times. Nak kata a total no-no to think about guys in my life tak jugak sebab I'm a fan of heroes in novels and still do, tak pernah-pernah fade. And that's it. Let me be loyal to them and only them la buat masa sekarang, okey?

MEDICINE. This year is the confirmation that I truly indeed minat jugak jugak field ni. Either meds or physio. Tough choice but with a future yang betul-betul kelam malap tak nampak apa. Totally clueless. So, I dun wanna say much, just duduk diam diam and tunggu result je la ey?

JUNIORS. And to have juniors meaning that you are a senior. Sungguh priceless all the memories of this awesome senior year. Rasa disayangi oleh adik adik juniors, not to forget dianti pun ada. Tapi dengan semua rencah tula kita learn to be someone better, ye tak? Learn to act like elders and show that you're responsible and be a qudwah hasanah to them, kan? Sungguh tak tipu when I say I gonna miss them big time and adik-adik, sambung la legasi akak ni baik-baik ye?

FOOD. Seriously this year is the year of the most craving for food. The list goes on and on and on. Kerja makan je. Dari pizza ke sizzling ke hot and roll ke cakes ke tako tao ke tepayyaki and the list goes on. Nasib baik tahun ni badan kira maintain nak banding dengan tahun lepas, paling gemuk dalam sejarah hidup kut? Maybe sebab tahun ni busier and kelas pun tingkat atas so exercise to obviously ada la kan?

TEARS. 've made up my mind. A total no-no to waste my tears to those who don't deserve to be issues in my life. Adalah labih baik mengalirkan air mata keinsafan. And save the rest to cry on movies ke drama ke novels ke. Baru la realistic and praktikal sikit, ye ke? Macam memandai je.

Can't think of more. Apa yang pasti semua yang I did past, I did lalu, were part of my journey to know life. 2013. So, it's a wrap. Terima kasih for teaching me the meaning of life. Terima kasih for the bittersweet memories. Out of all, terima kasih for this growing up process. Ah, no matter what, life must go on and lets continue my journey, right? So, dengan lafaz bismillahirahmanirrahim, goodbye 2013! :)

17 ...not again

Hey it's my birthday again

Now I'm officially seventeen

I never like my birthday

Cause it'll be just a normal day to pass by

But hey, I can officially take my driving license! :)

*****

I just got back home from the PD vacation. Just a normal vacation, BBQ, mandi laut, ride a horse. Just a normal three days two night vacation. What else can I say though?

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

I finally khatam jugak my Tunggu Aira Di Kota Bandung, within... err two days plus? As Kak Nir pun kinda dedicate buku ni to those yang pernah kecewa dan terluka, haha. Thanks Kak Nir for being the part yang buka mata ni, bagi kesedaran sikit though I don't mention which part of your kalam that I mean. You can say, literally all. Then, I suddenly teringat the post that I owe you. Here you go then.

I started the year feeling afraid to lose (kalau tengok balik last year punya post I ada mentioned), and I also mentioned I wanna figure out what truly was that feeling, aite? And so, the year begun. Tengok masa hari first sekolah punya la syahdu, sampaikan nyanyi lagu Sempurna - Andra & The Backbone tu pun dah berair mata sampai Ell pun suruh stop takut ada pulak bening beranak sungai nanti.

Then, few weeks passed and I was jaw-dropped by a news yang dia tolak offer cause tamau tinggal sekolah. My reaction that time? Kenapa dia tolak benda baik? Totally inverse dengan apa I felt before. Tapi, tak tipu la bila cakap half of me kinda relieved. Dan sungguh, bila, kelas pun same block, floor, and only separated by another class. Sungguh, mata tu tak reti duduk diam, kepala pun terteleng ke kiri sokmo, Ell dah faham sangat, sampaikan dia pun kadang-kadang jadi tukang bagitahu (kebetulan memang 88 kali ulang alik, apa kes? sampai sekarang tatau kenapa).

What else can I say bila tiba-tiba unit uniform pun sama, sampai me myself terketar-ketar tangan pengang kertas bila speak f2f, sungguh buat malu okey? What more, one day kita orang bertiga (me, Nik, and Dil) otw ke tuition from masjid and we stumbled upon dia dekat bus stop seberang (rupanya rumah dia kat situ). Actually, break sejam jadual tuition kita orang pergi maghrib dekat masjid. ...and the feeling kinda started to bloom blossom gitu deh. Tipu la kalau tak, sebab bila tiba-tiba my surrounding berkait banyak sangat dengannya seolah-olah telling me that it was the part of my fate, tipu la kalau tak terbuai-buai pekenama waktu tu kan? Dah la bumped on each other pun more than once, belum lagi time hujan lebat tengok dia ambil budak which is adik dia? Siapa tak fall deep into the endless hole then?

...and tiba la sampai waktu I know something, start from the pandangan kawan-kawan, to the rumors, to the tengok-dengan-mata-kepala-sendiri, to the pengakuan, to the pengesahan up until now. (Duh! I hate to recall). Dah la orang tu tak lain tak bukan one of my adik junior yang paling rapat satu kepala nak merapu tahap slumber buat kawan gitu. Tipu la kalau tak terkilan, tipu la kalau tak rasa aura mortification towards friends yang selama ni tukang support tukang sakat, tipu la kalau tak rasa disgrace kan? Sampaikan ada yang soal, selama ni aku serius ke? Sebab trang tang tang aku buat muka toya feelingless stone gitu. Tipu la kalau aku cakap aku stone waktu tu (only outside yeh). Gila main-main? Aku dah sampai ke tahap I clarified it's a positive, the pulse doesn't lie.

The feeling? Rasa macam kena hempap dengan batu pekenama, (more to malu sebenarnya) sampaikan I've learnt a lesson not to speak up what's inside to others, and that way, I grew up to be more matured. Sungguh la orang kata every cloud has its silver lining. Dan saat I'm that uncertain, feeling out of place, hadirnya pula err.. senior? Ex-senior? I never figured that out up until now. Yang macam a trainer, guardian, as someone older yang ada sense of responsibility la kiranya. Lagi dua words tu macam tak kena sebab jauh pun nak penuhkan scale of qualification. But whatever it was, it kinda give me hope and new shine saat dah hampir tersungkur beribu batu ke dalam. All those caring words (yang I suddenly realize that it was just a motivation) make me sekeras mana pun nak nafikan, I can't. Tak banyak pun sikit, I was enamored. Tapi nasib baik the past (yang tak berapa nak past sebab tinggal sisa lagi tu) have thought me to be realistic, so when I got to know I'm no body pun actually, that gradually dia sendiri pun disappear, the impact on me wasn't big, at all. Macam impulsive force dah di-lengthen-kan dia punya time impact. 

Again, syukran alaihi sebab tu and rupa-rupanya hadirnya tak lain tak bukan nak suruh aku ni ada la hati nak pandang buku, sedar la diri tu sikit nak SPM (that time), nampak la sikit hala tuju in future, tinggi la sikit expectations dekat diri sendiri, ada la sikit motivation untuk achieve more than I usually did. Subhanallah. Indahnya percaturan Dia. *muka baru sedar* Sungguh la, it was just a journey of my life. Masa motivate orang lain pandai pulak aku cakap dia orang ni sebenarnya signboard yang tunjuk kita arrow to the right path along the way (our highway of life) supaya tak sesat, untuk menuju ke arah kejayaan dalam hidup, untuk temui the right one somewhere someday, and the most importantly untuk jumpa dan kenal Dia. Insya-Allah kheir. May this journey leads me towards yang hak, bukan yang batil.

And so, I dunno why, exactly on 19th Sept, I've made up my mind to left all those behind, so I can keep moving on, no more mushy mushy, and don't look back. Getting over someone means you are able to face the other party without feeling any hatred or anger or pain. And a total no-no to treating 'em like strangers. Fair enough huh? I'm in progress to reach that point and insya-Allah I can make it with His help of course. And for now (at least until I meet the real flame), I have to agree to what the heartbroken SPM leaver teenager Benz said...

"Love is a bloody mess."

True. Indeed. Yes.

It's you guys I adore

These are the authors that I've been looking up to.

The A-List

Hlovate

Syud

Nirrosette

Nasz

The Second Upper

Siti Rosmizah

E-man Sufi

Melur Jelita

Keep on bringing changes in my life

Show me the other side of view of the life

Touch my heart with your words

Cause it's your kalam that I adore

Outing!

Make Me Shudder

After exactly a month merdeka SPM, baru tadi kita orang berlima outing FINALLY! Haha. Redah je pergi TS sebab tak plan langsung nak pergi mana ke buat apa ke, sedar-sedar Cuna dah beli token untuk semua. Huhu. Sampai-sampai terus pergi GSC. Tengok la poster tu apa-apa yang best. Banyak yang sequel yang tak minat. Last-last nampak poster Make Me Shudder. Yang lain dah pakat senyap-senyap nak tengok cerita ni (rahsia dari Dil sebab dia penakut) sebab nak tengok cerita seram. Nampak poster macam seram. Haha. Kebetulan pulak jumpa Ain dengan Wan, kebetulan pulak dia orang beli tiket cerita yang sama.

Memang a big mistake la plan tu. Ye ye je. First, tu rupa-rupanya cerita Thai, mati-mati ingat cerita omputih (kira first time la tengok wayang cerita Thai) tapi kira okey lagi la. Secondly, tu rupa-rupanya bukan cerita seram pun, memang cerita hantu, tapi lawak! Hahahaha. Plan nak kenakan Dil memang hancus berkubur tang tu jugak. Tapi memang best la cerita ni. Lawak gila, and yang paling bestnya, just imagine, 90% pelakon cerita ni handsome, apa kes? Terbukak la pandangan aku yang jahil ni, rupa-rupanya mamat Thailand ni ramai jugak yang handsome. Haha!

Lepas tu singgah solat, lepas tu makan. Boleh pulak masa makan, kawan-kawan yang lagi empat orang ni bagi hadiah tetiba. Tanjat boboi! Haha. Siap nyanyi Happy Birthday lagi. Kira hadiah in advance la sebab my birthday yang in three days time ni pun masa tu dekat PD lagi. Trip 3 hari 2 malam start esok. Huhu. Anyway, thanks guys! Lawa baju tu. Bilamasa la korang selinap pergi beli. Oh ye, masa singgah bookstore ada beli prequel Warm Bodies tu, The New Hunger. Menggigil jugak la tangan keluar duit nak beli, nipis gila tapi harga dekat nak empat puluh hinggit! Amekaw! Tapi tula, fikir kalau tak beli takut tak jumpa dah. Payah tau cari buku English ni. Aku dah la semput duit ni, sedih betul.

Lepas tu cadang nak pergi arcade main game dekat tingkat 6 tiba-tiba kita orang tertarik nak tengok yang ikan pergi hurung kaki tu, alah korang faham la agaknya. Tiba-tiba akak yang kerja dekat situ tegur kita orang ajak check tahap keterukan facial skin kita orang ni. Memang teruk. Ketujuh-tujuh kita orang buat test tu. Ada yang okey, aku kategori teruk okey! ...and empat orang dari kita orang (termasuk aku la) cadang nak buat facial. Tapi buat appointment and bayar deposit dua puluh hinggit (duit lagik!). Next week kut kita orang datang second round pergi buat perubahan menjelitakan wajah, haha. Harga dia RM99 (lepas promotion). Kira berpatutan la tu dah harga asal dia RM280. 

Ha, lepas tu kita orang balik. Arcade cancel! Haha. The end! Yang masaknya, tetiba kengkawan jauh yang duk asrama semua ajak keluar next week. Okey tu okey dah alang-alang aku pun rindu dia orang. TAPI, bila fikir duit, rasa nak menangis meraung jugak-jugak dekat sini okey! Uwaa! Sadisnya! Semua benda pakai duit sekarang ni. Mula la aku nak ada kesedaran nak kerja ni. Tapi tula, selagi tak lulus lesen, parents tak bagi kerja lagi. Tapi duit ni flow macam air je skunk ni. Macam air yang mengalir keluar dari paip bocor. Sedihnya. Plus kusut gila kepala hotak ni. Serius kalau dah keluar outing kali kedua ni, and facial tu, memang tak keluar rumah dah lepas tu! Bertapa la kau kat rumah tu weh!

Bila balik lepas mandi and Asar (sementara tunggu Maghrib), novel Lazuardi ni dah pun dengan gigihnya dihabiskan! Yeay! Serius best cerita ni. Banyak fitnah yang buat sakit hati. Tapi ending dia macam tiba-tiba sikit. Macam 'aik, macam ni je habisnya?'. Tapi happy ending la. Suka sangat. Sweet jugak cerita ni. Tahniah Kak Nasz, sekian lama tunggu next karya after Sweet Sour and Karamel. Tapi, mana-mana pun tak boleh tandingi 'kesweetan' novel Sweet Sour ni. Sangat-sangat sweet tahap gula plus aspartame overdose. Tapi don't worry, Nasz memang termasuk dalam kategori author A-List saya.

Do you wanna build a snowman?

Today's public holiday (everyday's a holiday to me though). Anyway, today the song on my loop button is the Do You Wanna Build A Snowman - Kristen Bell. I love that song since I watched Frozen and the best part that I like is

Please, I know you're in there

People are asking where you've been

They say have courage, and I'm trying to

I'm right out here for you, just let me in

We only have each other

It's just you and me

What are we gonna do?

Do you wanna build a snowman?

So touching. Huhu.

*****

Oh ya, after crying, confused, and smile in happiness, I finally finished reading My Precious Iris. I really like that story. Lain dari yang lain. Trust me, no one can act out that characters in the novel, so please please please don't make it a drama. The unique storyline and characters, I really love the uniqueness. I'm happy in tears knowing that the ending was just a plot twist. ...and a bit confused (still am). Whatever it is, I really like this novel. So, three more to go before this year ends. Sempat ke? Hee~ (Hope so)

I'm a lil bit under the weather today. And I'm a bit confuse about my life. I don't know exactly what I'm thinking nor I know what I'm worried about. I feel empty. *sigh* In despair I only squeeze my short hair (chey, mentang-mentang rambut baru ala-ala Rapunzel dalam Tangled tu, eheh!). Whatever it is, I really hope to know what's lingering in my head. Clear it up! Puh-lease!

Like this, uhuh!

p/s: Disney's princesses are so pretty. I like Rapunzel, Anna, and Elsa. :)

And... cut!

Look. One of my plan in to-do list after SPM (yang suku pun belum done), is to cut my hair short. So, I did it today. Finally! Dari panjang gila (hiperbola) jadi macam rambut Han Hyo Joo dalam filem Cold Eyes tu. Choi! Haha. Memang nak potong pendek pun. Ringan rasa kepala. Tapi rasa sayang tu ada la, tapi berat kepala tu lagi penting kut. Haha. So, glad to say that another list can be cancelled! *grinning from ear to ear*

Oh yes, recent updates (what else than movies that I watched). I've watched (since my last update) Abduction, Hansel & Gretel: The Witch Hunters, Snow White And The Huntsman, and I'm Not Single. Ha, semua best. Tengok la, tengok la sendirik! Ciao!

Don't be just DReams

Soul's dived deep under

The heart's demand is clearly heard

A hope that dreams won't be just dreams

A strong desire to fulfill the dream

but a strengthless heart

with a huge wall called fear and incertitude

Let it go, let it go...

Don't throw in the towel before get started

Have faith in yourself

Have faith in Him

Take a deep breath

...and go on

The new start

First of all, I admit I didn't expect much on 2D1N season 3 since I love those in season 2 so much. But, anyhow, I still believe that their brotherhood can't be defeated. From awkwardness to brotherhood.

But! This season 3 is surprisingly funny. ...and I'll absolutely will look forward to the next episodes. After all, Joon Young is cute, sedap la sikit mata memandang sambil tengok show ni  (besides Taehyun og course). Hope they can get along well. After watching this first episode, my comment is, not half bad. :)

*****

The seceond (unrelated) topic is about my future, a new start that is still faint for me to see. *heavy sigh* Saturday. The day when my view about the future is widen (education carnival sort of). It somehow made me even more confuse and hard to make a decision. But, after been there for the second time, I made up my mind, no matter what, I will wait for my SPM result, I won't go anywhere with my bad forecast result to be underestimated though the offer is really great, I'll be flying to Indonesia in September next year.

But to think of it, part of me want to further study only in local, part of me wanna fly somewhere, but no matter what, I want to wait for my actual result and do it with my effort. ...and if can, I want to do foundation or matriculation in government, not private. Insya-Allah. If He wills and if I give my effort. Then only I'll think again whether I wanna go abroad or not. If yes, I'll be going under JPA or MARA. Insya-Allah kheir.

One more, I'm under a dilemma to decide to further study whether in medicine or physiotherapy. I'm glad that they're both under the medical field (that's what I want). Part of me wanna be a doctor. The title 'Doctor' before my name will be so great and proud to hear. But I know, it's hard and almost impossible (I really hope it's not). Physio? I really interested in this, but I really hope physiologists have a 'Doctor' title in front of their names. Haha. Is that what I care? So childish, but it's a dream not to be laughed. Dream has no limit. Allah, give me Your guidance.

At last... the final page

Finally, I finish reading my ILUS on Friday morning. Phewie~ Happy ending and I hope MJ won't make this novel into a drama. Preserve the originality. No one can play Firman well as well as no one can play Hilman well (referring to ASST). Baru perasan. MJ suka nama hero dia ada bunyi 'man, man' kat belakang. Takpe la, unik. Sweet jugak.

Lepas tu, start la Lazuardi few pages, tiba-tiba keluar pergi Tesco Ampang pulak, bila dah singgah masuk Popular, hais, terus sambar My Precious Iris. Sambungan dia. Apa lagi, tergendala la Lazuardi, haii. Memang lately ni dah berapa kali langgar prinsip sendiri. Berapa novel dah di skip, mula-mula dua, lepas dicampur tambah tolak segala, ada la dalam tiga kut (belum lagi kira yang dah baca). Ayo. Takpe la, semangat je. Habiskan cepat-cepat and move on to next. Lagi pun macam tak percaya je 2013 dah nak habis.

Hmm, nak habiskan semua novel memang sah la tak menyempat. Even yang Malay aje pun. Tambah yang English apatah lagi. Malay lagi 4 kut (termasuk yang current). English pulak 6. Haha. English biasanya I take half times slower, nak adapt and digest. *tersipu-sipu*

Hai, the end of year is near, I still owe you a post. Peace!

The fullstop of STORY 1

Yesterday was the last time for her to see her battery

And then I realized...

Yesterday was my last time to see mine too

When I cleaned up my drawer, I found this poem/song/whatever that I wrote I dunno when.

JUST ENDURE ONCE MORE

When you are far from fetch

It's the time I stand a hope

Ignoring how idiot it sounds

Till ended up with growing pains

And now everything changed

Not too close yet not far fetched

Smile is everywhere, everytime infact

Yet I'm afraid to get in for once more

Just enough to say I want to hurt no more

I can't endure any pain no more

Seems like I have to fight myself once again

Cause it's too beautiful to neglect

It's not that hope shines

It's just everything seems nice and better

So let's just enjoy it, can?

But leave out hopes

*****

For once, I think I looked stupid ...maybe not. It's a lesson learnt maybe. Now I glad it ends. ...and no more continuous like 'patah tumbuh hilang berganti' punya type (I used to do that though). One after another. I realized I'm the kind that fall to easily. But now, no more. It ended. My door's sealed. And it'll only open when there's someone someday that can spray the seal with nitrogen liquid and broke it. Till then, I'm secured. Thanks for the lesson. It took a lifetime for me to understand. FA you're the last, and goodbye! (to you an the others) 

Results day

Well, it's not my exam results day anyway. It's my lil sis's PMR result. Alhamdulillah, she gets great grades. 7A1B. B is Kemahiran Hidup Bersepadu. Nah, not bad! She even targeted lower than this.

It's great to meet my juniors, my teachers. ...and someone somehow halfly-expected to see. I thought it will be nothing. But, somehow my heart kinda shrunken back then to have a conversation with the one NEXT TO the person, close up. Yah, perhaps it's cause long time no see. I've made up my mind to move on a long time ago. *sigh* (Did I just sigh? Slap me please!)

*hands up* Yes yes yes, I know I didn't post about it yet. If I do, I warned, it'll gonna be a really long post. I'll tell the story from A-Z. How I felt gradually. I've ready but I feel lazy to type. HAHA! Need to recall somemore. Nah, that's nothing! Insya-Allah. Sooner or later.

p/s: Anyway I'm satisfied with my school's students achievements. Congrats! ...and no heart feeling! :)

Updates

What I missed to write, the things I've done troughout this week.

Movies: 

Secretly, Greatly [will be better if it has a happy ending]

               The Great Gastby [wasted almost three hours watching this, so boring!]

Turn Left Turn Right [after a long time looking for this movie, heaven!]

Currently: 

Reading I Love You, Stupid! [not yet finished, too thick and heavy (literally), great story line btw)

Furthermore, the things that I do this holidays are just watching movies and reading novels. Almost nothing. ...but I'm happy at least although sometimes I feel like tired with the exact same routine every single day.

Can't believe that I cried so hard

A day of tears. I've joined a program at my ayah's office, a talk about righteous character development from a professional speaker. He made jokes and we laugh so hard, he played music and we're entertained. Also, he warned that the next session gonna be tearful. In my thoughts I said that I'm not going to cry, I've been to a lot of similar programs like that. And I was just stayed stone-hearted, haha.

But everything was just in vain when he played so many videos and played with our emotions, finally my tears broke on the last video showing a father marathon pushing his physical-disability son's stroller to fulfill his son wish to marathon. Then the speaker made us write our pledge and will to our parents (and can't believe he's gonna post that to our address in three months and counting!). That was the time that I broke into tears and cried my eyes out while writing. Now, (of course I can't make a 270° change right away but...) at least I've lessen the hatred in my heart. That's a progress, righto?

...and at night! (This's the best part to tell, with all my heart, unlike the above one). I watched this movie, The Odd Life Of Timothy Green (I regretted that I didn't watch it earlier) but yesterday just suits the mood. I really really love that story. After all, CJ Adams is soooo adorable! ...and I can't believe that the movie really touched me deep inside. Furthermore, the soundtrack played their part sooo good!

The ending was really really unexpectedly sad. (I watched the movie downstairs in stead of my room but luckily everybody was busy with their own business). I covered my head with a sweat towel and cover half of my face, wiping the tears I cried so that they won't realize that I was crying my lungs out. I bit the sofa's cushion that I hugged so that I won't make a sound of crying, but believe me that I cried sooooo hard that the veins at my temples raised. It was so sad that I felt a heartache deep down inside my heart and all my organs. You should watch the movie yourselves. Here's the link, and ignore the subtitle and pay attention to the good quality picture, alrightho?

http://www.acg-tube.com/the-odd-life-of-timothy-green-2012#

And here's the video of the soundtrack that I like, Love And Be Loved. There's one more, Life Goes On but I prefer the former. You can search on Youtube and hear both ...or all? Credit to Geoff Zanelli for the great musics and soundtracks! :)

Love And Be Loved by Geoff Zanelli

p/s: Crying makes my eyes swell and look like sleepy eyes, but I think that's kinda pretty *sepakmukasendiri*

Finally

Finally beli jugak buku ni lepas cari dekat event Big Bad Wolf pun takde, finally jumpa jugak dekat Popular Bookstore Tesco Ampang. Tarikh beli 15th Dec. Nampak tak resit tu? Haha. Punya happy sampai gambar resit pun nak upload! Yang bestnya ada discount 20% tu!! Dari RM35.90 jadi RM28.90. Nampak tak jimat dia? Hehe. Happy sey!

[Edited]

Bought its prequel, The New Hunger at Borders Bookstore masa jalan-jalan dekat Times Square 27th Dec hari tu. Harga dia mak oii. Tak boleh nak tolerate langsung! So unrelatable with the thickness of the book yang not even my pinkie's thick! RM35.90 jugak but without discount. Sedih tau masa keluar duit nak bayar tu! :'( Ahh, R punya pasal! Haha. Passion earns money.

Bromance in no time

15th December (on KBSWorld). The final episode of the final trip of 2D1N's member in season 2. It's not too long since Joo Won left the show on last 17th November. For more than a year I watched this program, what I can say is I really worship their brotherhood. They has the sparkle of bromance that none of other shows have. They have the best brotherhood among the members.

I watched a lot of Korean variety shows too, like THC (I can barely see brotherhood love among all of them but still I like this show) but 2D1N's members' brotherhood is incomparable. They're the best. They love each other though they didn't show much. They understand each other well. They are considerate about everyone in the members. They take care of each other. They fight and tease each other (like family). Yes, perhaps that's the best to describe them, they're like a family. They grew closer and closer throughout the years they've been together. To me their harsh tease to each others are nothing, well that's how guys act in their friendship though.

I cried so hard on the last episode of Joo Won's. Everyone can clearly see how much they love each other. They cried together regardless of their ego or something, and I love that about them. Also, I was touched when they prepare a surprise birthday party to Joo Won and Jong Min, and how they make them go fishing before dawn just to distract them, I love that, how they make them suffer before making them happy. Guys!

On the final episode, I almost broke into tears during the last part when they talk about their feelings and all that throughout the program. When Tae Woong broke into tears and Jong Min console him, there's a feeling overwhelm me, the power of brotherhood that I can't find no where else. They built friendship, love, brotherhood, and a big family throughout the season 2. From not knowing anyone, to learn to know each and everyone, until they are bound in a family love. I worship that. A long journey together finally ends with the wrap up of 2D1N season 2. May their brotherhood and bromance remain forever. This is the best Korean variety show ever!

Plot twist

So, what I've been up to lately? No no no. Recently? Err, I mean the latest development. Yesterday I watched a movie, Running Scared halfway 'cause my laptop suddenly whoosh! ...blackout! Then it got fixed so yeah, I continue watching it this afternoon. The movie's great but, seriously, why so many swear words? There's 'fuck' in every fucking sentences! Chey! ...and so I watched until the end.

At the nearly end, Joey got shot in his abdomen, and went blackout on his wife's lap. The next scene shows the funeral of him. An official funeral for a cop. Then his wife and his kid with their neighbour's son went to a place. There's he's alive! His wife said, "Don't make me bury you one more time Joey." Oh man! It got me! Seriously. What a plot twist. ...so, it's a happy ending. But Paul Walker's dead anyway. *shrugged*

Then, this morning, I went to finish up reading my Bukan Kerana Aku Tak Cinta. ...again! Jebat got shot at his abdomen by Airen. Then he went home (he walked!). He didn't want to be saved, he just wanted to meet his wife, Mas. He went home, he hugged her, and it's too late when his wife realizes that he got shot. He laid on her lap, gave her a ring, and confessed how much he loved her. It's too late when Uwais arrived to help.

The next scene was Mas and Hannah at a grave six months later. Back at home, Mas opened a drawer at the desk and pulled out a diary, it was Jebat's. She recalled what he said. The diary will replace him when he's gone. It'll speak on behalf him about how much he loves her. It'll remind her of him, so that she will feel his presence. ...and so she read. It was his spill and vent of what he felt for her from the very beginning, and how he was sorry for her for all the bad things he's done (seriously I cried so bad that time, soooo bad! I've never read an unhappy ending novel yet). 

When she finished reading it, she cried her eyes out (so did me). Suddenly someone approaches, "I've told you to read it only when I'm gone." Then she replied, "Well, you left me quite long and you barely be with me lately." He replied, "Well, I told you to read it only if I'm dead. But I'm not. I'm just a lil bit busy these days." Then they continue on chatting. Heyy! You really got me this time. I really thought that was the ending, it made me realize how much I didn't like unhappy ending. Luckily it's just a plot twist! What a waste of tears ...and heartache! Well, it was good anyway to do that.

End of plot twist heartache sad story. After those two (actually the later happened first than the former), I watched a movie, Hours. I found it on the website www.acg-tube.com. Lately, I've been thanking this website for subbing the English movies, although the subs is in English. But it's better than trying to focus on what they said. It gives me hard times sometimes. So, I couldn't thank you enough, TS for uploading and subbing those movies! Big time man!

...back to the story. I searched for movies to watch and the title Hours was kinda eye-catchy. Sounded familiar. In my mind that time perhaps it's a James Franco's movie as I just finished reading an article about him in a newspaper. So I thought perhaps I saw the title of movie there. So I decided to watch it. But... it wasn't James's movie! It's Paul Walker's movie! No wonder it sounded familiar! Sadly, it was his last official movie. I just knew about that. Here's the link to watch the movie online. http://www.acg-tube.com/hours-2013#

Guess what? It was a really really really great movie. One of the best movies I've ever watched. Straight away goes to my list of favourite movies. I love it so much. It was a great performance Paul! It makes me see the new side of him (in a film) in stead of action and race and cars! It was different. Makes me see that he's a great dad. I was a sad movie (just for me) to see a sacrifice of a dad to keep his infant daughter alive in an incubator while outside there's Katrina hurricane, and the hospital ran out of power, and he stranded there with the baby while others moved to another hospital due to the hurricane. Oh God! You need to watch it like seriously!! I mean it!

Why can't I?

It always be the type of friend I've always wanted.

But why can't I be one?

...and I hate myself for that.

Am I kinda selfish?

Perhaps at this age there's a lot of mishaps.

Then, I should understand others

...that always turn their back on me, no?

Maybe they have their reasons,

or maybe not.

That's why I can't be so judgemental.

"Kadang-kadang demand kita terlalu tinggi. Tanpa kita sedari, kita terlupa satu hakikat yang diri kita sendiri pun tak perfect." -Me

Sheesh! What more can I say?

Yesterday, I planned to watch Khabi Kushi Khabie Gham. Pasang VCD la, tiba-tiba bila nak tarik VCD tu keluar... prakk! Patah! Langsung tak boleh pasang dah. Gila frust menonggeng. Agak la, dah dekat nak sebulan kot rasa nak tengok cerita tu. Then, I came to think, agaknya, memang lately ni, things get worse with me. It's fated to be my worse month agaknya. Worst time, kiranya macam semua benda tak kena. ...and that's what I felt lately afterall. *sigh*

Lepas sekian lama tak buat apa-apa sebab jiwa bercelaru, I decided to finish the movies on my to-watch list. ...and I chose There, up there, Miracle In Cell No. 7. Peh, memang leleh-leleh jugak la air mata tengok cerita ni. Tapi, I think I can flood in tears if I understand the storyline earlier. ...cause I get confuse about the ending because I misunderstood the middle of the film.

[SPOILER!! THERE I SAID]

...I misunderstood that Yong Goo was been sent away to another cell after he admitted that he did the murder. But actually, it was his death sentence on that day, on Ye Sung's birthday. If and only if I understand that earlier, I would have cried my eyes out. ...and the grown up Ye Sung re-trail the case to clean up her dead dad's name. Oh my god! So sad, so sad. (T_T)

It was a melodrama comedy. Miracle in Cell No. 7 is a 2013 South Korean film starring Ryu Seung Ryong (Yong Goo) and Park Shin Hye (grown up Ye Sung) and Kal So Won (small Ye Sung). The film is a heartwarming comedy and family melodrama about a mentally challenged man wrongfully imprisoned for  the abduction, rape and murder of a police officer's daughter that he didn't commit. It was a flashback story. Park Shin Hye has lesser screen time so of course the one that touch our hearts was Kal So Won who played the small Ye Sung.

It was highly recommended movie. 4 stars out of 5. It's because the movie has a few flaws, but not to mention here. It was great afterall. Here's the link. Go and watch la!

http://www.otakhang.com/miracle-in-cell-no-7-2013-hd-720p-full-movie-online/

Thanks to OTAKHANG [DOT] COM, I was able to watch the movie free, online, doesn't require downloading, good quality and with English subtitle.

Currently...

Currently I'm watching that Korean drama entitled Bel Ami a.k.a Beautiful Man at KBSWorld. It started on 4th December. The air time is on 9 p.m every Wednesday and Thursday.

...of course I watch it because of JGS. I'm a fan of his ever since what?! The drama ain't too bad though. Boleh la. Tahap lepas la nak hilangkan bosan. Tak logik mana pun, nak dibuat entertainment kira pass la. Lagi pun, my only series yang ada dekat TV sekarang pun, iaitu Smallville gonna end tomorrow. I mean this season 9. Tunggu next season for final la nampaknya. Harap sempat tengok sebelum sambung belajar.

Also, I'll start reading the third novel tomorrow. Tak nak rush sangat. Tapi kan, I'm the type who reads her novels according to which one I bought first. Accordingly. Never mind how bored it is, I'll finish it before moving to the next novel. Weirdo kan?

...but this time, I kinda langgar my own rule. I skipped two JS's novels. Anthem and Lazuardi. It's like saving the best for the last, ain't it? I skipped to Bukan Kerana Aku Tak Cinta - E-man Sufi. Afterall, this novel's gonna published as a TV drama soon. Seriously, in my very own opinion, I don't like to see the novel I read turn into a drama or whatsnots. To me, it cut off the readers imagination. I'd like novels to be just novels and let it be alive in the readers imagination, not in television. Don't like. Am a bit disappointed to see a lot of Karya Seni's novels that I read, and I like, going to be a series soon. Luckily JS won't do that. ...and I respect them for that. Preserve the originality!

Two down!

I finally finished reading my second novel on list. It's somehow cliche BUT!! ...but it brought something new in my point of view. It was the first time ever! EVER! ...that I chose the side of the female lead. Jap, tajuk novel ni Curi Curi Cinta by Siti Rosmizah. Selalunya, dalam stereotype novels, male lead did something bad, the female lead kinda tawar hati ke merajuk ke nak berpisah ke, and my response will be like 'dah la tu dah lelaki tu dah menyesal, tak payah nak merajuk sangat la, terima jela dia balik'. I side the male lead all the time, sebab kesian, sebab dia orang sweet & pathetic bila try nak console balik the female lead.

BUT this time, this novel, I side the female lead sebab I felt like what the male lead did was really really unacceptable. I really hate him. I was like 'tak payah terima balik jantan tak guna tu'. ...and I don't like the ending (cliche ending, very well expected). Tapi tak salahkan writer pun, sebab tu yang semua readers nak pun, a happy ending. But I still felt like he doesn't deserve a forgiveness. ...walaupun pada awal ceritanya female lead ni memang jahat (anak derhaka, sombong, mata duitan). Tapi what he did was really unacceptable. Geramnya! Tak layak dimaafkan. I'd like if she goes and build a life with another man yang truly love her. Tak payah dengan orang yang hina dia lepas tu baru nak sedar diri.

I don't know. I've read a lot of novel like this, and some of them did even worse, tapi somehow I still can accept that, but not this one. Entah la. Tapi bagus jugak. At least merasa kelainan perasaan bila baca. Congrats Kak Siti! Haha. So, two down, nine to go. ...plus another five. Ada lima Malay and the rest English kalau tak silap. ...and that novel, is recommended. Beli la, baca la. Lepas ni harap-harap Kak Siti dapat bagi kelainan yang lain lagi, yang super rare, okey?

I don't really like changes

7th December. One of the saddest days in my life. Things turned out the way it shouldn't be. It was suppose to be a surprise from them (my parents) to buy me a new phone (as I'm the only one in family yang still pakai telefon baling anjing). I was surprise (but in the other way). I was not happy like how I should. I don't want to change my phone. I love my Sony Ericsson K660i. I'm happy with that. I create my own world with that.

Well, that's one of my reason. Sec, I don't want to cut my sim card (yela, phone these days kan pakai microsim). That sim card meant a lot to me, so many memories. Thirdly, if I want to change a phone, I'd like to work first, then I'll buy it myself. Why? Cause I'm a bit high-demanding ...and I realize that. Sebab tu tak nak menyusahkan sesiapa. I want s4 ke, iPhone5s ke, atau apa-apa yang large screen (and obviously I haven't decided yet ...then imagine how can I make a choice in 5 minutes?). Next, it's obvious that my sis won't like it if I get something more expensive than her. ...and of course I felt guilty. Moreover, I don't know a single thing about smartphone. Blur okay?

...then imagine how tense I was to make a choice with everything around me was pushing me, thinking of all the reasons, with my mum getting angry and forcing, with my dad asked the guy to brought out the phones to display. It was the most dramatic scene when someone buy a handphone (mana ada orang berdrama dekat kedai telefon sampai macam tu sekali?). Out of tense, I just asked my brother to pick one and he picked an iPhone 4. I was just pasrah je la walaupun takde la suka mana phone tu, nak buat macam mana, s4 mahal kot. Kena consider jugak my dad punya duit.

...and the feeling? Not happy at all. My sis dah macam makan jeruk sawi je. My mum dah marah-marah (the greatest donor to my stress). Mesti that pekerja kedai telefon tu pelik dengan kita orang (sampai muka dia cute pun takde hati nak usyar betul-betul). Dah la my sim pun kena potong, buat muka takde perasaan je la waktu tu walaupun jiwa tu dah penuh perasaan yang bercelaru haru biru laut! 

Then, to bring up the normal atmosphere (kononnya), my dad pun bawak la kita orang pergi minum dekat stall yang penuh dengan budak-budak tak semenggah jalanan gitu. Boleh pulak my sis yang dari tadi buat muka sawi jeruk tu tiba-tiba menangis (sebab mak masih blabbing pasal perangai kita orang yang memalukan la apa la, hai, salah aku jugak). Aku pun apa lagi, dengan tensionnya, dengan guiltynya, terus pecah jugak empangan dekat situ, my mum terus mengamuk (buatkan kita orang lagi kuat menangis). Sumpah tension! Sumpah! Dah la sedih, stress, kena marah lagi. Kalau takde iman, entah apa dah aku buat agaknya.

Orang sekeliling pun dah usyar kita orang macam alien kepala tiga je. Tapi, I can't stop. I can't. Lantak la malu ke apa. Aku dah tak kisah (now I understand how characters in the novels nangis macam hape je tak kira depan orang ramai pun). Semua dah mengamuk, kita orang pun blah je la, even dalam lif pun tak habis lagi. Sumpah sedih okey? Tension! Sumpah cakap, aku jauh lagi bahagia bila pakai telefon cabuk, orang tak kacau aku, aku tak kacau orang. Peh! Nak tercabut biji mata aku. Ni la namanya surprise jadi tragedi!

The whole day, I don't even care pun about that telefon that causes all that. Sampaikan charge pun my abang yang buat, I don't even glance at it. But the next day, I have to sebab I need to text my friend about something and that's the only purpose I guna jugak phone tu. It gave me bad memories, y'know, It's hard. I miss my K660i. Tu lagi bermakna agaknya sebab tu hadiah masa dapat result UPSR. I think I change phone everytime I change my phase of life, dulu phone masa sekolah rendah lain, nak masuk sekolah menengah yang K660i tu, nak masuk phase afterschool, iPhone 4 pulak. Entah la, it started with something bad but I hope it'll bring joy and happiness in my life after this. T'sal.

Who says?

It was just yesterday I blab about friends bla bla bla. What I really should do was just look back and judge. Yes it's true that there's none from the characteristic I've stated. But, just look back. Who's there when you're in need (most of the time)? Who's there to fill the emptiness in the atmosphere? Who's there when it comes to money-shot problem? There is. Dil. ...or the minyak masak a.k.a majerin, can? No? haha

...and to think again, bila dah pals in a group, there has to be fair division, right? Take this and that from everyone. Someone may be the one you feel comfort to vent on. Someone may be the one that you can count on. ...and many more. This is because human aren't perfect. Though I know there are many friends with all that qualities (in a person) termaktub dalam syarat dalam dunia ni. Tapi, belum rezeki lagi nak jumpa. Now, just appreciate what I have boleh? Bukan tak faham masing-masing macam mana. Try to accept and let go la kan?

Ha, cakap pasal 'let go'. Tadi, I went out with anak Mr. Gomez and Minyak Masak (kalau korang bijak senang je nak guess nama dia orang refer to that nick i gave). We went to *tengok poster kat atas* The Big Bad Wolf Book Sale dekat MIECC @ The Mines. Asalnya, anak Mr. Gomez tu yang out of the blue called and ajak (pasal dia agak interest kita orang sama kut). ...and I was like, ye nak pergi. The thing is none of us have been there and masalah transport, takut sesat tak reti bla bla bla. Tengok google maps pun ada KTM bagai. Mana reti!

Then, kebetulan, semalam my abang balik. ...and pujuk la dia mintak tolong hantarkan. He agreed just like that, tapi hantar je la, dia nak pergi solat Jumaat pulak. Also, Dil ni jadi ikut pun pasal dia ada cerita nak one book ni, masa kita orang jogging hari-hari. Masa ajak pun dia "Nak!" So, macam tu la kita orang pergi pukul 9 pagi tadi.

Dekat dalam hall tu seriously dah kinda rambang mata. Tapi, tak reti sangat nak pilih english novel ni. Biasanya pakai katalog, ada la masa nak decide. Tadi, pergi dekat best sellers, baca sepintas lalu blurbs dia, the rembat! Then, pergi dekat general fiction, tengok yang crime genre rembat! Macam borong je. Amazing gila sebab discount dia was like 70%-90%. Harga dia macam RM8, RM12. Apa kes? Saper tamau kan? Tapi, a bit frust la bila buku yang I look for as long as I can remember wasn't there. Tak jumpa. Rasa nak meraung tengah-tengah hall tu. Dil pun sama. Anak Mr. Gomez interested in books from self-help genre (see a new side of her). Kagum. Then, kita orang pun borong la.

Lepas tu masuk The Mines sebab nak makan. Singgah makan dekat food court dekat 2nd level. Lepas fill up, tanpa plan kita orang redah je naik 3rd level pergi TGV cinema. Dia orang nak tengok Frozen. I was like 'aku mana pernah tengok wayang carita kartun'. Then, tanya dekat counter pasal cerita Homefront (akak tu ramah =D). Favourite la action-action ni. ...but! 18 tahun ke atas. Frust jugak la. Last-last ended up dengan Frozen jugak. Guess what? Best sangat-sangat! Plot twist yang sangat unexpected. I like Princess Anna. Ha, tu yang kaitan dengan 'let go' tadi. There's a song from that movie entitled Let It Go - Demi Lovato. Most of the songs dalam movie tu best (err.. can I say all?).

Let It Go - Demi Lovato

Then, lepas habis movie singgah solat zohor dekat surau at that level. Ya ampun! Ramainya ummat! Lepas tu baru la nak gerak balik. The funny thing is, we circled that mall dua tiga kali, naik turun dua tiga kali, tapi tak jumpa jalan keluar. Tapi last-last jumpa jugak la. Pening jusak fikir nak balik sebelum tu. Dah la ada pak cik teksi ni cakap nak ke LRT Sungai Besi, RM20. I was like, "Okey, ha jom." Then, tiba-tiba anak Mr. Gomez cakap yang RM20 tu cekik darah la. Dia tanya, pak cik tu tak pakai meter rupanya. Then, she dragged us in to think of other solution to get back. Then we came up with waiting for a bus dekat bus stop depan mall tu. Bila feel something's not right, I asked this taxi uncle, and dia cakap way to LRT is the other side of the road.

I thanked him and we crossed the road macam orang gila! Haha. Cuak seh. Jalan besar tu, jangan buat main. Then, we boarded on a Rapid KL bus, U41. Pak cik tu stop more than halfway through, and bagi direction so that kita orang kena jalan sendiri. Thanks pak cik (today kinda realize banyak betul orang baik atas muka bumi ni). ...and again, lintas macam apa je dekat tengah-tengah highway tu. Dil relaks je. Kita orang berdua ni la, cuak semacam, lepas tu excited entahapehapentah je. Dil stay cool (sangat-sangat tak boleh blah). Sepanjang jalan tu almost every lorry and van hon kita orang, tak sure sama ada hon sebab kita orang ni girls (fewitt) atau pun we seemed carzy jalan tepi highway gitu (sebab kita orang the only yang buat macam tu). Tapi bak kata anak Mr. Gomez la, best apa buat kerja gila redah macam tu, lain kali nak pergi lagi tempat yang tak pernah pergi (banyak duit boleh la). Guess what, naik bas, kita orang jimat RM14! Tambang RM2 sorang je kot! Thanks to anak Mr. Gomez. Kalau ikut aku ni, entah apa la.

Lastly, lepas tukar platform dekat Chan Sow Lin, kita orang pun land la dekat LRT Cempaka safely. Alhamdulillah. Crazy right? It makes me remember the THC Living Without Car episodes. Public transport's great! These are the titles of book I bought. Catch Your Death and Killing Cupid by Louise Voss & Mark Edwards, Just Take My Heart by Mary Higgins Clark, Switch by Charlie Brooks, The Straight Razor Cure by Daniel Polansky. Tu je acutally. Tapi macam banyak kan? Haha. T'sal. K bye. Been writing much already. Penat plus sakit kaki ni. Kira exercise hari ni done la kan? haha